More Waiting

I'm kind of in a stupper, today.Not sure what I feel, what to write, but I write just the same. I've figured it out....it's therapeutic for me. When I write, my thoughts seem to fall in line. Otherwise, all my thoughts and feelings get jumbled up with the facts.

For instance:

Feelings.... I feel helpless. I feel sad. I feel worried. I feel angry. I feel confused. And many more, but you get my point.

Thoughts....I think why is no one jumping on this. I think who or what else can be done. I think we're talking about someone's health here, get over the red tape already. I think circle the wagons, it's prayer time without ceasing. I think, I think, I think!!!!!

Facts........I know for a fact God is in control. I know for a fact He is not taken by surprise. I know for a fact He loves her more than we can even imagine loving someone. I know for a fact He will see her thru this one way or another. He will never leave her or forsake her.

See what I mean?? All of this is swimming around in my head along with the guilt of worrying, because I know who holds tomorrow. To type it out gives me clarity. Then it's possible to rely on God. I don't know how people get thru the tough times in life without that blessed assurance.

Her Dr. called this morning. All of the drs. she has talked with, agree with her, that my friend needs to go to MD Anderson. This is an answer to a question of whether she should search out another hospital. The 2nd opinion is in and it's still inconclusive. Sarcoma? or melanoma? They are treated different ways. Dr. told her as far as the long term cure aspect, the time this is taking is not an issue. This is incurable. Surgery is not an option. If it's sarcoma--they suspect it traveled from the heart, which means the mass on heart is cancer. If it's melanoma--then it traveled from her back where she had it in '97. From a man's perspective, it's looking hopeless...in her bone, nodules scattered in lung, and in the lymph node. She needs God's wisdom in choosing treatment, but before that, doctors need wisdom in knowing what they are dealing with!!!!

BUT from GOD'S perspective, this ain't His first rodeo!! She is resting in His hands and I am to do the same thing. A note from her:

Psalm 31:14-15a, "But as for me, I trust in You; O Lord, I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in Your hand...."; and so are yours if you are a child of God by faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and His work done on the cross for all of us. He loves each of you so much and has provided the only way for each of us to have an abundant life here on earth, and then to spend eternity in Heaven with Him (and our loved ones who have gone on) ---- and doing much, much more than floating around on a cloud or playing a harp, I can promise you that.

Just me trying to label this as best I see it. A friend loveth at all times.

Waiting Game--Things are in Motion

My friend heard from her oncologist this morning. She said she couldn't get anyone at Baylor to take her!! Crazy talk!! And the best thing to do was for her to change out of Aetna to regular medicare. Remember MDA will see her with that. She told her she was being as honest as she could be....with the mass on the heart, the spot on her hip bone, the nodules in lungs growing in size and number, spots scattered elsewhere in her body, and the lymph node under the liver.....it does not look good! Her words... "I cannot help you, it's beyond me, the best place for you to be is MD Anderson."

So the wheels are finally rolling. She's switched to medicare and is in the process of getting everything they need to them. First appt. is still going to be at least July 20th!! A month away!! So the waiting game continues on.

Again I say, this ain't God's first rodeo. Although we are surprised at news, good or bad, God cannot be surprised!! Amen??

Lord, we don't love her more than you do, but we need her more than you do. I'm just sayin'....

This is me labeling as I see it.

Psalm 31:14-15a "But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord, I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in Your hand...."

More on the Waiting Game

My friend's insurance ok'd her going to MD Anderson. Sounds great, right? Until you find out MD Anderson doesn't accept Aetna. Is that not a SCREAM???? Yesterday was a very upsetting grueling day to say the least. She also found out..SHE was supposed to get the cd of her pet scan to them and SHE had to give the lab permission to send her tissue to them. WHEN, do tell, was someone going to tell her. Everyone she asked kept passing the buck to someone else. Very frustrating. After all this news, was the call back to her, telling her they didn't accept her insurance.

Back to square 1. Now her oncologist is trying to get her seen by a doctor at Baylor. Doesn't matter, let's just get this show on the road!!

As I've said before--This ain't God's first RODEO! It's all in God's timing. She is resting in God's hands and trust her life to him, whatever He wills.

It's me going bonkers!!

Lord, I know you are all in this mess, and we will be able to see your perfect timing later. Just give us your peace that passes ALL understanding and the calm assurance of your presence.

This is me labeling as I see it. Rare do you find a friend like this. More precious than gold.

Psalm 31:14-15a "But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord, I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in Your hand...."

And the Wait Goes On, and the Wait Goes On

Went with my friend to her oncologist yesterday, for the results of biopsy and ct scan. The verdict is Sarcoma cancer, but another opinion is being sought from Baylor to rule out any of it being a comeback of the melanoma she had years ago. We were told this is not uncommon to get 2nd opinions.

The nodules in her lung have grown in size and numbers, and the dr. strongly recommends her going to MD Anderson, as this is not her specialty. Her ins. does not approve of it, however, she was told if her pcp would send a referral, they would consider it. This is all underway as I type. And so we WAIT, YET AGAIN!!!We have found most of the waiting has been from the ins. approving EVERY STEP TAKEN!! Of course the Sadler Clinic "scramble" has not helped matters in the least, having to grab another pcp. And then grab another, as the first one could not take anymore medicare patients. She has been referred to a Dr. Patell. (sp), a specialist in Sarcoma cancers, at MDA.

The treatment would probably be chemo, and no surgery, but we WAIT!

Oh, and the 4x4x4 mass on/in her heart has not changed, but they still don't know what it is, as it did not light up in the pet scans like the cancer spots did.

My friend seems very calm, taking it all in. She knows our God is in control. She has become more assertive as she has learned she has to be. Physically, she says she is definitely more short of breath, just going from her bedroom to the kitchen, which is a fairly short distance. Other than that she feels ok. I started to say "feels normal", but what IS normal? As we grow older, normal changes, depending on how the body is functioning.

Anyhoo...this is me labeling it as I see it...... We WAIT!

p.s. Father God, please, we need her more than you need her.

Continued from last night--or early this morning--however you want to see it--June 10,4:30 p.m.

Aetna has approved her to go to MD Anderson. (99 visits) isn't that funny? The waiting still goes on, as we wait to get an appointment with Dr. Patell. The MDA lady told her she could not promise to get her in this month, but since her oncologist has already been talking to Dr. Patell, maybe that would make a difference.

This ain't God's first rodeo, so we are confident things will keep moving along.

Thank you Lord for breaking thru the red tape. One more thing--this is the verse she's leaning on Psalm 31:14-15a, "But as for me, I trust in You; O Lord, I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in Your hand...."

Only me, labeling as I see it.

I Dunno about this!

Alex has gone for the day. He sure is a cutie. Next time he comes, I promised we'd go to Incredible Pizza.

We are in the midst of tearing out our carpet. Not quite sure, which way I want to go, but I'm leaning on granicrete floors. This amounts to painted concrete. http://customsurfacesolutions.com/InteriorFlooring.html

I just really hate the in-between stage. I'm ready to get-er done, before we run out of money, but do we need to paint before the floors are done. And if so, what color?? No one paints the walls white anymore. Do I get rid of wallpaper?? Oh, and some major fixing of things need to happen. We need to do something to the space where we took the bricks out under the snack bar. Boy, I can see now, the list just keeps getting longer. I'd like to just move. What's it like to move into a brand new house no one has ever lived in??? And where would we move? We need a fence for the dogs. The house is in such a convenient place, but the area is slowly deteriorating. It was a great place to raise our kids, but we're past that now.

I dunno... maybe I'll just freeze and not do anything. I hate having all these thoughts in my head at the same time!!! I'm not used to it..lol really!

This is me labeling as I see it.

Concerning Thoughts

Thoughts are running thru my head. So many concerning things, but one thought in particular.

Why do I mostly write on sad issues??... It's a way to express myself, when you don't want to bother anyone else. That's what I have decided, because I am normally an upbeat kind of gal, but am bothered periodically about one thing or another.

The waiting game... is what we are playing now. My friend has what the drs. call suspected spots of cancer scattered throughout her body, specifically on her hip bone, nodules in lungs and on lymph node under the liver. Oh, yeah, and a 4x4x4 mass of some sort in/on her heart, but it doesn't show up to be cancer. They don't know what this is!!! What?? Another ct scan hopefully shows it disappearing. We'll see.... also waiting on results from biopsy taken from lymph node. If it's not test results, it's insurance to wait on. This has been going on as we know it since April 29th.

My husband is about to hit the 3 yr. mark of his health downfall. He's had a pacemaker put in for low heart-rate, 3 Cardiod ablations in 8 months time. another kind of pacemaker replaced the first one, and a couple of extra hospital stays on top of all the other. He doesn't feel any better than he did 3 years ago. Oh, and the pacemaker now controls his heart, as in if IT stops, his heart stops. Well that's a comforting thought!!! Dr. Fuller has made her assessment on the whole thing. Indulge me, if you will....... He suffers from depression and this has not helped one bit. He was a very active man before and now energy is zapped from doing hardly anything. I believe or rather I hope that the inactivity has slowed his stamina and maybe he needs to build his strength up. The mind is willing if the body will follow. Depression can also zap the energy level, so in essence he's in a vicious circle. If we could get his energy level up, then maybe depression would be less. On the other hand, if we could help his depression ease up, then maybe his energy level would rise. See what I mean?? It's a dilemma, I tell you!!! I find myself trying to jump in the vicious circle on stop the madness, but I can't. I can only sit by and watch and be there for him. Some days are good and we think..ok we're on the mend, and then bam wam!!...there it sits like a lion ready to consume him.

I have much more but will have to save it for another post. I'm waiting on sweet Alex to get here for a little while. This is why we have grandchildren??...to be a beacon of light!!!

This is me labeling as I see it.

TIES THAT BIND

Say what you will about "My Space" and "Facebook". There are some cruel people out there bullying more vunerable people, mainly teenagers. Just as the type can be used to hurt someone, it can also be used to heal, which is the case for Melanie and me. We were better at sharing our hearts thru type than in person.

There were at least 4 ties that bind us. Melanie and I had just renewed our relationship not quite two years ago. The biggest thread is our faith in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. That seems to bring even strangers together. It's a kindred spirit. I read thru all conversations last night from "My Space", and found 4 most important ties we had going for us and we concentrated on those and not so much on the past. Her faith helped her to keep herself accountable. We had endless talks on wanting to just abide in Christ, letting him be our thoughts, words, actions and expressions. We shared familiar struggles.

Another thread that tied us was our love for family - how proud we are of our children-our regrets for mistakes in raising them. Having to back off while they live their lives.

The third thread was enjoying making people smile or laugh. Now, I admit, people probably do more laughing AT me than WITH me, but I'll take it.

The last of the 4 is our love for cats. We share this thread with her sister Cherry also. She had real concerns as to what would happen to Oreo. I have the same concerns as does Wayne. That being said, unless Oreo has a better offer, we would like to take Oreo home with us and thus have a piece of Melanie's heart in loving her cat.

Just a quick update on Oreo. Someone accidently let Oreo out of the apartment the day before we were to take him home. We looked all over and called for him, but were unsuccessful in finding him. There are so many places for him to hide, and he's been known to stay away unless he hears Melanie whistle for him. Maybe his luck will be as it was when he happened on to Melanie. They just sort of adopted one another.

Take care, Oreo, we hope you show up soon and we can bring you home.

Rest in peace, Melanie, you are surely loved and missed. Still hard to believe.

This is only me labeling as I see it.