CANCER FREE-5 YEARS

This is supposed to be a milestone for cancer patients, so I'm claiming it. Just had my 5 yr. chest ct scan last week, and got the results today. I never felt like I had cancer. Didn't know I had it until after my surgery in recovery. They got it all and I had 6 wks. of radiation. Some may call it luck. I call it listening and obeying the spirit within me to quit putting off getting the chest ct scan. In the time the scan was done and the surgery (2 months) the tumor had attached itself to my heart lining. Ignoring the still small voice to get the scan done would have given the tumor permission to continue to grow and perhaps squeeze my heart to death. I know of a sweet lady in my church who died with hers b/c they could not find the problem. In her situation the thymus gland was BEHIND the heart and it wasn't showing up that it had a tumor. Thymoma is a rare tumor and still even more rare to be malignant.

Little did we know, while I was going thru this, colon cancer was making a home in my sister's body. She put off having a colonoscopy just like we ALL do. (I just had my 1st one done in September. And I should have had one when we found out about my sister) We get busy and can make all kinds of excuses to avoid THAT test. 6 months after MY ordeal, she honored me in a cookbook the bank employees made up to honor cancer patients-survivors and deaths. Had we known, she could have put herself in it also--b/c 6 weeks later she found she had cancer. She fought the good fight, but her body just couldn't deal with it all and about 18 months later cancer overtook her life. I sure do miss her. She wasn't in my everyday life, but on the special times, she was always there. For instance, I would be calling or emailing her about today. She'd be so happy for me. When I go home to my parents now, there's a void. That's when we always got together and did something--anything from garage sale shopping to fried ice cream at Cuco's to driving around and looking at Christmas lights with our kids crowded in the car. And by ourselves when the kids were too old to want to go.

Here's to Jean----she left a void in quite a few people besides me. My parents, my sister Debby, her children, her grandchildren, her husband, neices, nephews cousins, aunts and uncles, co-workers, many many friends and a host of fellow church members. One grandchild she didn't get to see, who's having her 2nd birthday right about now. Maybe she can see from where she is, or better still maybe she was present when that little soul left heaven to join her earthly body. Maybe she kissed her bye as she was leaving the Father's arms. Hmmm! I like that idea!!

Hold to what's dear, ya never know when you'll have to let go.

I give God All the Glory!

Makes my medicine go down easier

I've been in a email prayer group the last 44 days. Below was her message for today. I hope it helps you as it has me. Now my prayers are shifted ( as hard as it is to swallow) to praying for Obama as well as my country. GOD BLESS AMERICA

Dear Sisters and Brothers,

I wanted to send you a brief note to tell you a couple of things on my heart.

I do not for one second believe God has let us down. Of course, I am disappointed, but I refuse to be fearful. God is still God, and He loves us so much.

As the election drew nearer I began to see that if McCain/Palin won, we would find it harder to continue our prayers for our nation. Many would have believed our prayers were finished. But that would not have been the case at all.

It occurred to me that God might answer our long term prayers for healing by saying no to our short term request. Yes, we were praying earnestly for Senator McCain to win, but the greater calling was to pray for healing of our land.

A fellow prayer warrior wrote this earlier today, and I believe she is right:

"I do believe that the greatest prayer is still to be answered and I do believe God is at work in that area.....He is reviving His people.... We didn't need to get all that we asked for....we would have then relaxed and let McCain/ Palin take the lead. Instead, we are now forced to intercede and trust God for every piece of legislation and every policy and so on..."

We've all had our email boxes full of prayers and calls to prayer during this time. God has clearly started a prayer movement in our country. When He has done that before in history, revival soon followed.

Sisters and Brothers, our time on our knees continues, and let us continue like watchmen waiting for the morning, expectantly seeking and awaiting America's healing.

It has been such a blessing to pray with you these past 44 days.

The grace of the Lord Jesus be with you.

MY HOPE

Psalm 37:3,5-8
Trust in the Lord, and do good;
Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.

Commit your way to the Lord,
Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass.
He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light,
And your justice as the noonday.

Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him;
Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way,
Because of the man who brings wicked schemes to pass.
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath;
Do not fret - it only causes harm.

Psalm 31:24 Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart, All you who hope in the Lord.

God is still in control ~ May God bring us as a nation back to
"In God We Trust

Why The Financial Mess - 1999 New York Times Article

Fannie Mae Eases Credit To Aid Mortgage Lending

By STEVEN A. HOLMES

Published: September 30, 1999

In a move that could help increase home ownership rates among minorities and low-income consumers, the Fannie Mae Corporation is easing the credit requirements on loans that it will purchase from banks and other lenders.

The action, which will begin as a pilot program involving 24 banks in 15 markets -- including the New York metropolitan region -- will encourage those banks to extend home mortgages to individuals whose credit is generally not good enough to qualify for conventional loans. Fannie Mae officials say they hope to make it a nationwide program by next spring.

Fannie Mae, the nation's biggest underwriter of home mortgages, has been under increasing pressure from the Clinton Administration to expand mortgage loans among low and moderate income people and felt pressure from stock holders to maintain its phenomenal growth in profits.

In addition, banks, thrift institutions and mortgage companies have been pressing Fannie Mae to help them make more loans to so-called subprime borrowers. These borrowers whose incomes, credit ratings and savings are not good enough to qualify for conventional loans, can only get loans from finance companies that charge much higher interest rates -- anywhere from three to four percentage points higher than conventional loans.

''Fannie Mae has expanded home ownership for millions of families in the 1990's by reducing down payment requirements,'' said Franklin D. Raines, Fannie Mae's chairman and chief executive officer. ''Yet there remain too many borrowers whose credit is just a notch below what our underwriting has required who have been relegated to paying significantly higher mortgage rates in the so-called subprime market.''

Demographic information on these borrowers is sketchy. But at least one study indicates that 18 percent of the loans in the subprime market went to black borrowers, compared to 5 per cent of loans in the conventional loan market.

In moving, even tentatively, into this new area of lending, Fannie Mae is taking on significantly more risk, which may not pose any difficulties during flush economic times. But the government-subsidized corporation may run into trouble in an economic downturn, prompting a government rescue similar to that of the savings and loan industry in the 1980's.

''From the perspective of many people, including me, this is another thrift industry growing up around us,'' said Peter Wallison a resident fellow at the American Enterprise Institute. ''If they fail, the government will have to step up and bail them out the way it stepped up and bailed out the thrift industry.''

Under Fannie Mae's pilot program, consumers who qualify can secure a mortgage with an interest rate one percentage point above that of a conventional, 30-year fixed rate mortgage of less than $240,000 -- a rate that currently averages about 7.76 per cent. If the borrower makes his or her monthly payments on time for two years, the one percentage point premium is dropped.

Fannie Mae, the nation's biggest underwriter of home mortgages, does not lend money directly to consumers. Instead, it purchases loans that banks make on what is called the secondary market. By expanding the type of loans that it will buy, Fannie Mae is hoping to spur banks to make more loans to people with less-than-stellar credit ratings.

Fannie Mae officials stress that the new mortgages will be extended to all potential borrowers who can qualify for a mortgage. But they add that the move is intended in part to increase the number of minority and low income home owners who tend to have worse credit ratings than non-Hispanic whites.

Home ownership has, in fact, exploded among minorities during the economic boom of the 1990's. The number of mortgages extended to Hispanic applicants jumped by 87.2 per cent from 1993 to 1998, according to Harvard University's Joint Center for Housing Studies. During that same period the number of African Americans who got mortgages to buy a home increased by 71.9 per cent and the number of Asian Americans by 46.3 per cent.

In contrast, the number of non-Hispanic whites who received loans for homes increased by 31.2 per cent.

Despite these gains, home ownership rates for minorities continue to lag behind non-Hispanic whites, in part because blacks and Hispanics in particular tend to have on average worse credit ratings.

In July, the Department of Housing and Urban Development proposed that by the year 2001, 50 percent of Fannie Mae's and Freddie Mac's portfolio be made up of loans to low and moderate-income borrowers. Last year, 44 percent of the loans Fannie Mae purchased were from these groups.

The change in policy also comes at the same time that HUD is investigating allegations of racial discrimination in the automated underwriting systems used by Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac to determine the credit-worthiness of credit applicants.

RD's Back

This is really old news, but thought I might follow up on my last blog about RD. The morning after I wrote the blog, he showed up on my porch as if nothing was wrong. Except there WAS something wrong. His eye was missing or rather hanging on the side of his face. Just the skin or lining of the eye, was left--no eyeBALL. Took him to the ER and got him tended to. He'll be alright, just he'll be R-r-r D now as Mark likes to say. Silly Mark, he won't even look at him!!! He still has ONE perfectly beautiful blue eye.

I'm thinking wherever he was, he had access to the internet, read my blog and decided it was time to face the music. It took me over a week to let him back outside again, but he doesn't stay out long.

We'll never know what happened. Did he run into a limb fallen from Ike? Did he get snake bit? Did he get run over?Was he in a cat fight? Did a dog get a hold of him? Hmmmm-----

We're glad to have him home. Life was not the same without him. Not a day of those 11 long days went by without looking for him. Go figure--all I had to do was blog!! Life is good again!!

Roy D. Mercer

..Roy D. Mercer (RD) adopted us about 10 years ago. Showed up on the porch, and of course I fed it. The next morning he kept jumping on Wayne's lap while sitting at his desk in the garage. Wayne then claimed him as HIS cat and his name would be Roy D. Mercer. The 2 himalayan cats in the house wouldn't have anything to do with this mere tabby, but that didn't stop RD from marching right to the food bowls and making himself at home. This is the reason I can't figure out why RD would have left on his on. The same week he disappeared is the same week a new cat entered our home. RD was an adoptee himself. Surely he didn't leave because of a new cat. He's too laid back for that. That's what's so cool about RD. He is very calm and passive and doesn't like to fight- only in defense will he fight. He's been gone since the 17th. I have a friend whose cat came back after 9 months. RD is diabetic and I give him 2 shots a day, so if he does come back, he will be very sickly. Or if someone has taken him, they don't know he needs his shots...

Please come home RD, please!!!!

Myasthenia Gravis(to those who know the story-skip this one)

Listening to my profile song prompts me to tell this story. And I'm a detail kind of gal, so don't say I didn't warn you.

The 3rd wk. of January '03, I noticed I was having trouble with my vision. Ever sat to close to a movie screen in a theater?? That's how it was for me, and toward the end of the week- I was seeing double. By then, I was also having slurred speech and having trouble eating. Talking to a dr. friend- Wayne took me to the ER. Because of my age-51 they assumed I had suffered a stroke or an anurism. All the necessary tests were done with no answers in the end. Stupid dr. said I had an asaphalgic headache. (non-pain headache) I thought he made it up until I googled it when I got home 2 days later. He was sure a little pill would take care of the problem. 3 different pills later, I was no better and even worse b/c of the last 2 pills.

I previously had been going to a master herbalist and made a visit early March to her. She told me it sounded to her like Myasthenia Gravis (which her mother had). Had they tested me for that? she asked. There's another word I'd never heard of before. Asked the dr.'s nurse could they test for that, she quickly told me the test cost about $2000. Well, I knew where she was going with this, as we didn't have ins. Someone recommended another neurologist and I made an appt. After telling her my symptoms, I was about to ask her about this disease I'd heard of and she took the words right out of my mouth. I knew I had found a good dr. I felt in good hands. A simple blood test (which btw was only $400) would tell if I indeed had MG. Meanwhile she gave me a prescription for the symtoms and said if 30 minutes after taking this pill, the symtom went away, it was a pretty sure thing. The pill worked wonders, but it only takes care of symtoms. The disease is an auto-immune disease that has no cure.

This is a muscle fatigue disease. My facial muscles (eyes, lips, cheeks, tongue, eyelids) with repeated use would get fatigued. It also affects my arms and legs, so no more cleaning houses and walking 4 miles a day. :( !! She wanted me to get a chest ct scan in search of a thymoma (tumor of the thymus gland) another new word for me. Never knew I had a thymus gland. lol This gland sits in front of the heart and has to do with the immune system mostly as a child. As a child grows- the gland shrinks and bone marrow is the main immune system then. (as I understand it) I didn't have this done until early August. I hated to spend the money. Not everyone with MG has this tumor so I was gambling. ..

It turned out, I had a thymoma and the best way to remove it was open-chest surgery. A very well known and respected surgeon agreed to do my surgery free. Can you believe that? I just had to work a payment plan with the hospital. That took some figuring as my early 03 stay in the hospital was $21,000 with them already.

The ct scan showed the tumor to be contained and not spread, so that was a good sign. My surgery was not til early October, my fault trying to find other means in Galveston. UGHH!! Thank God that didn't happen. In the 2 months time the tumor had grown and attached itself to my heart lining and it turned out to be malignant. After 6 wks of healing, I had 6wks daily radiation as a preventive measure. Christmas Eve was my last treatment. What a gift!!

The expense of it all was just killing me and now I couldn't even help out cleaning houses. I felt like such a burden. Wayne worked so hard to provide for us. Hospital human resources called me Jan. 04 to say if I could bring our 02 tax returns to her, she might could get the amt. owed to the hospital reduced or erased. Result was the amt. was erased. Praise God! again and again.

I believe God had everything to do with how things turned out for us, all thru this ordeal, the right people at the right time was put before me. Him nudging me to get the ct scan, b/c in just 2 months it had started growing on my heart. As it was-- part of the heart lining had to be cut away. I had bookoos of people praying for me and I was really trying to listen to God's leading. Hard as that seems to be at times, He is there, we just have to listen. Sometimes it's thru his word, or a teaching or a friend. Sometimes it's that still small voice like the one that kept nudging me to get the test done. (money or no money)

Anyhoo, the song says it all for me, I feel I've lived every word of it and still do, ck it out:

Even though I walk thru the valley of the shadow of death

Your perfect love is casting out fear

And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life

I won't turn back, I know you are near

And I will fear no evil. For my God is with me

And if my God is with me, whom then shall I fear?

Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, you never let go, thru the calm and thru the storm.

Oh no, you never let go, every high and every low.

Oh no, you never let go, Lord, you never let go of me.

And I can see a life that is coming for the heart that holds on

A glorious life beyond all compare

And there will an end to his troubles, but until that comes

We'll live to kno you here on the earth

Still I will praise you, still I will praise you

(back to--Oh no)

History of bad driving!!!

You know, pondering the life of our courtship, I realized the first time I ran off the road was not with my daddy. It was with Wayne. We had gone down to Hebert, (my summer stomping grounds) to his dad's camp on the lake. It was late and I don't think we were supposed to be there!!! You decide. On our way back, Wayne was letting me drive his corvair, (I said corvair, not corvette). An economy 4 dr. 4on-on-the-floor, but hey, it had 4 wheels, which is all we cared about. Anyway, he was messing with me, nothing graphic, don't puke, but I'm just learning to drive, and it doesn't take much to set me off course!! Coming around a big curve, I didn't come around it too good. The incident took place just past my Uncle Ralph's house. He was really my 2nd cousin once removed, but was my daddy's age and was not allowed to address grown-ups by their first name, hence Uncle Ralph.

Well the story gets worse, when I went off the road, we were facing the opposite way tangled up with a barbed-wire fence. A man living across the road heard the commotion and ran over to help. I made the misstake of telling him my uncle lived at the next house. He went to get him to help us get out of this entanglement. He gladly came, but sadly left the scene after almost bleeding to death. Unknowing to Wayne, when they told him to "go", he went, but they also told him to" hold it". Wayne didn't hear that command. Maybe the radio was on or the car motor was rared up. My uncle's leg was caught in the wire and the car drug him, tearing up his leg at the knee, (the most vunerable part of the leg, wouldn't you know). Well we got the car out and went on our way after taking my uncle back to his house for his wife to nurse him.

We never said a word about this to any of our families. To this day, I don't know if my parents know. Knowing adults like I do now, (I am one, ha!) they probably know, but have never let on they know. I felt so bad, to have done this after all the help he gave. He passed on years later, hope it wasn't from blood poisoning or something! This is why I think we weren't supposed to be down there to begin with or else why wouldn't we have told someone. Because WE would be in trouble!!!!

Kids!!!!

Somethings never change!! It has a voice now! I'm SORRY Uncle Ralph!

Engaged--39 years ago!!!

I was about to enter my senior year in high school. He had just signed up with the Air Force. It was a troubled summer for him. He graduated from high school in May and moved out of his parents home with his best friend Tommy. Of course we thought we were really grown-up. I don't think they had the garage apt. a month before Tommy decided to go in the navy and Wayne decided to go in the Air Force. Paying bills was a little more than they had anticipated.

We didn't know when the service would call him for duty, so the next thing in order was to get engaged. I remember my parents were on vacation, and when they came back, Wayne asked my Daddy for my hand in marriage. It was really sweet but scary too. As it turned out, they called him for duty December 19. I saw him off at the bus station, then had to go participate with my school choir in a Christmas concert. I was miserable.

He was in basic training all thru the holidays. Christmas day, I couldn't stand it anymore, so I made a call to his barracks. His sergeant answered, I asked for Robert Wayne Fuller. They called him to the office to answer the phone and said " boy, where's that girl from?" Wayne said "Sir, Monroe, Louisiana, Sir" They said "with that accent, she had to be from the south!!" I asked him what they were doing for Christmas. He told me they were having a GI party. I started crying, assuming they had already corrupted my husband to be. He said "no, no, a GI party is where we scrub the floors." I think they have them do that to get their minds off of being away from home on the holidays. It saddened me to think that's how they spend Christmas Day. The last Christmas he gave me a Promise Ring. That was a new thing then. A promise to engagement of course.

I didn't see him again until 5 wks later, when he could leave the base. His parents and his younger brother and I came for the week-end. I stayed with my Uncle Roy and Aunt Edna and they stayed in a motel close to the base. Uncle Roy showed us around San Antonio, but all Wayne and I wanted was to be together

Those were the days!!!!

Well, that's all, just thought I'd give it a place to be.

Cabin Fever

I am BORED out of my mind!!! So, whoever reads this will sure to be bored too. I'm 3 1/2 weeks into this broken foot thingy. Not being able to drive is about to DRIVE me right up a wall. Just to check out the bargains at Big Lots would be a big outing for me. Are you getting the picture now?? Asking someone to drive me to the dr. or drop me off at Walmart, seems so imposing on others. I'm getting a feel for how Mike, my brother-in-law must feel. He has no car, and has no business driving anyway. He'd be as dangerous on the road as me driving with my left foot, maybe more. He has more accidents under his belt than I have fingers and toes. Seriously though, he walks everywhere he goes. He pays a fellow worker to pick him up for work and take him home. He should, the guy lives on the opposite end of town. He usually calls me for rides to the dr. and rides home from work when that guy is gone. I don't know what he's been doing for that, since I can't drive. It's so hot right now, I wonder if he's staying indoors. He lives in the apts. across the way from us. It's a good location, walking distance to almost anything you'd need. That's why I love this location, our kids growing up had access to anything without crossing a major street. Of course, now I know that one kid crossed a major street, by going underneath it in a drain culbert. (sp.?) He was very adventuresome who hung out with an even more adventuresome boy.

On top of this boredom, I'm going thru some diet changes that are very foreign for me. No sugar, breads, dairy or wheat. What's left you ask?? Fruits,vegetables, eggs, meats and nuts (no peanuts). I am a chocoholic 1st of all, 2nd, I love sweets- ice cream mostly and 3rd, I like breads- pizza, bread sticks and rolls. Guess what I'm acustomed to doing when I'm bored, lonely or depressed , (one equals the others)?? I grab my ole buddies sweets and have a lovefest. Not anymore. It's been especially hard, during this foot thing. I grab nuts and fruit. I am seeing results from doing this though. I love my sweet tea. Now I sweeten my tea with Stevia. It's a natural thing and it's ok. I cheated and had some SWEET TEA today, boy, was it sweet!!! I also cheated last night and treated my poor bored, lonely, depressed self to a BLUE BELL homemade vanilla ice cream cone. It's been almost 2 weeks on this new diet change, and I thought I deserved it, by golly!!

Now, you see how bored I am. I'm rambling on and on. I'll stop now.

Stupid Strikes Again

Before you say anything- I have already and am still going thru a horrific time about this. As you probably know by now, I broke my foot last week. I had gotten very comfortable driving with my left foot. Not driving more than I had to and definitely not on the highway. I am very situated in the truck so as to have my booted right foot well out of the way on the "hump", with the seat pulled up and my body turned "just so" so my left foot had the reach it needed. I had just pulled in the driveway and put my foot on the brake. It happened so fast, I'm assuming my foot slipped and hit the gas. My natural instinct was to reach for the brake with my right foot which just pushed my left foot again on the gas. As you can see in the pictures the house stopped my truck.

..:NAMESPACE PREFIX = O />

The scary thing is- I was just saying to myself that I had this all worked out and it would be fine driving with my left foot. People do this out of necessity and this was a necessity. Then this happened just moments after I was thinking this. The thing I did not count on is the natural instinct to use the right foot in the case of emergency. As long as things are going fine, it's ok; but when you need to react quickly, the instinct is to do it with the right. So please, please tell anyone you know, not to think it's ok to drive like this, for any reason. You never know when you'll have to act quick, and believe me- you will never be prepared!!!

A number of things could have happened to make this situation worse.

1. Wayne was on the porch getting ready to take the truck to look at a job, could have already been right there.

2. If Matthew had woke up 20 minutes earlier, he would have been sitting there drinking coffee and smoking

3. Maya could have easily been playing in the drive or yard

4. Last but certainly not least-this could have happened in traffic

Needless to say, I learned my lesson. As inconvenient as it's going to be, I will NOT be driving for 4-6 wks. I keep having bouts of " out of the blue" crying in response to the visions of what could have been. Feeling so-o-o remorseful and ashamed. I could not have lived with myself if I had hurt or killed someone.

I'm trying to look at this as a blessing to have learned this without anyone getting hurt. I'm a little sore in the shoulders, arms and ribs, but nothing my chiropractor can't help me with.

Wayne has been a dear, just like our daddy. So calm, collected and comforting. He's held me and not complained one bit. God has raised him to the occasion health wise.

Perhaps Mary Ann will do the honors of posting the pics of my truck attached to my house.

Moral of this blog: Don't try this at home, it brings nothing but heartache!

Well Ain’t that special???

Gearing up to pat myself on the back, and then I hear "snap"!!!

Sure hope that was a twig I stepped on. One look back told me--no such luck. So how could this be??? This changes everything!!!

A friend of a friend needed to find a good home for her dog she could no longer keep. Knowing a family who was looking for a dog, I emailed my friend and set it up to pick up the dog and deliver it to it's new owners. One problem....I have to pick the dog up at 6:30 and the family can't pick it up from me until 8:30. No problem..just more pats on the back for me.

So as not to upset my dogs or cats, I opt to keep the dog in the front yard on a leash until the new owners could arrive. Good idea...could-of, would-of, should-of! Since he'd been in the kennel all day after being nuetered, I decide he'd enjoy a little walk, after offering him water and food. Well he did... me?? not so much! He dragged me over over the place. I was ok with that, although it wore me out. He finally settled down. Yeah, right!!

For no apparent reason, he bolted, throwing me off balance, causing me to mis-step on our uneven sidewalk, turning my foot sideways. (which is where I was at the beginning of this story)

I'm on the ground crawling to catch the leash that left my hand, afraid to stand up on my foot. Finally grabbing the leash, I pulled myself to my feet for a test walk.... Yep! it hurts, but I can walk on the side of the foot, which comes in handy, since the dog got away again. This time going down the street, with me hobbling along 25 feet behind him calling his name. Hmmff.. he doesn't know me or the neighborhood, he's not listening.... I'm almost in tears, hoping ONE of my neighbors will see this spectacle going on and assist me. No one!!! It's 8 p.m. and all our neighbors are older than us and have shut the doors for the night. 3 houses down I catch up to him and I'm able to grab the leash. That's good..right??? Wrong.... He's dragging me now much faster than my hurt foot can take.... NOW I AM crying!!!

Put his ass in the kennel!!!!!! Yes sirree!! Mosquitos are already sensing I don't have bug spray on EVERY part of my body and are munching away at whatever is available. Mary Ann comes up about that time, puts the dog in the foyer where Bear used to stay, and we escape from the vampires flying all around us like vultures.

The family came for the dog about 9 p.m. All's well that ends well. Except for the foot part.

Elevated and iced the foot all night and went to clinic the next morning, then the foot dr. the NEXT morning. Yep, it's broke....Soft cast and big ugly boot for the next 4-6 weeks. At least I can hobble on the heel of this monster boot, keeping the crutches far, far away.

Just not in the mood now to pat myself on the back. I feel more like kicking myself in the ......... Mary Ann took a pic of me wheeling myself around on the computer chair. It wasn't that cooperative but it beat walking on the side of my foot. (that was the first day, before the boot) Maybe I can get her to add the pic to this blog.

Is there a moral to this story??

Gotcha Birthday Boy!!!

Last weekend was People Suck's BD weekend. All the family was here to celebrate His Day--a day early. We managed to surprise him with a new recliner. He has spent so much time in the recliner, it has gotten pretty dog-gone worn.

I spent the whole week before going to different furniture stores- sitting in all the recliners I thought were worthy of his body. I finally came to decision Saturday, but had to take the one on the floor since the warehouse had none and would not have any for 2 wks. They loaded it in my truck and off I went, almost dumping it b/c it got to rocking and picking up speed with the wind. Matthew met me in the driveway and we were able to get it in the house in a room he never goes in, while he was still sleeping.

Sunday evening we got together for Gattis pizza and some Marble Slab ice cream cake. Afterwards, he was outside chatting with Rick, Matthew and Mary Ann (her job was to keep him out) Good Job Mary Ann!!!!! Mark, Lisa, Ashleigh and I were busy inside switching out the recliners.

When he was finally released to come back in the house, he walked right in eyeing a small gift bag in the new recliner. Even picking it up to sit in the NEW recliner, he did not realize until he placed his arms on the huge overstuffed chair arms. FYI--he also had his eyes on the kiddos. Then the big smile appeared. It was a good Birthday. I'm glad we were able to pull it off. It's so much fun surprising people you love. I will say, I did not get much done that week, even forgetting to do a couple of things he wanted me to do. It was hard coming up with excuses for getting little done.

What prompted this blog was watching him tonight relaxing in it for the first time since he's had it. He worked Monday - Thursday night and then Friday night we were traveling to Monroe, getting back tonight with just enough time to relax and channel surf. He deserves some down time in it.

Our trips to Monroe are always planned with Catfish Junction in Broddus, TX in mind. It's all you can eat buffet with homecooked veggies, gumbo, sausage and fish of course and so much more. Of course I go for the banana pudding. It's a great place, they also have jamborees every weekend. We need to go for that sometime. We go this way to avoid the highsway 59 ratrace traffic. It's good highways and beautiful scenery.

This weekend was really tiring for him. We rented a compact car for the trip. It was cheaper than buying gas for our truck. When you're used to riding in a big truck, riding in a compact car is like riding a go-cart among all the big cars, trucks and 18 wheelers. Anyhoo, it saved wear and tear on our truck and was worth it in gas, especially since we took the scenic route to the family reunion, Saturday. That reminds me, we passed thru the hunting grounds Wayne used to deer hunt. Coming back thru later that afternoon, we took a chance on stopping by his cousin Bonnie's house. We had a great visit with her and Houston. Leaving her house, we went to the cemetery his great grandfather was buried. Found his grave marker AND his great GREAT grandfather's marker and possibly a great great uncle's also. This ended a good day. Needless to say, Wayne was pooped. I tried to hook up with Stacey, but I guess her social calendar had her elsewhere. Try you next time Stacey.

Today we had my mom's famous hamburgers. Just for Wayne, she cooked up some of his favorite veggies. They have not seen him since November and was so glad to see him, though they have talked with him via phone all thru this illness. Debby (my sister) and Ralph and my neice Jody and her two children joined us for lunch. It was a splendid visit back home, I MUST do it more often. DOWN GAS PRICES, DOWN!!!

3 Generations of Fathers

I am witnessing 3 generations of fathers. They are all wonderful, but in their own way.

The first one of course, being My Father. His generation was usually the provider for the family. And so, that's what they were good at. They are also known as the Greatest Generation. My dad was a good example of honest hard work, integrity and love. He was also the head honcho in discipline. If he had to step in to discipline, I must have done something really bad. I remember kissing Wayne good-bye on the carport one Sunday afternoon.(when we were dating) We were right there in view of Daddy's recliner. Maybe it was one of those wet kisses, I don't remember, but he flew out of that chair and followed me to my bedroom(as I had to get ready for evening church). He gave me a piece of his mind and would have given me a piece of his belt if my mom had not stepped in to save the day(I got smart with him, which is the only time I can remember doing that). Whew! I must have looked like some kind of slut in his eyes, kissing in broad daylight for the neighbors to see(IF they happen to be looking out their windows at that very moment). I can't remember if I apologized for being disrespectful. Think I'll do that today, b/c you see, I am still lucky enough to have my daddy. I remember my daddy working graveyard all week(11p.m.-7a.m.). And on the Saturday morning after, he called for me to come to his bedroom. He just wanted to hug me, b/c he hadn't seen me all week. Man!! WHAT a FEELING. I'm 56 yrs. old and that still affects me. The mother never went anywhere alone, or at least that's the way I remember it, but I do remember going to my grandmother's with just me and Daddy. He even let me drive there, and patiently drove his truck out of the ditch I had run into. Then put me back in the driver's seat and said go. I remember going fishing with him in a swampy looking creek and eating watermelon til I was about to pop. I was not a bed-wetter, but I was that night. Never eat alot of watermelon before bedtime.(especially if there's no indoor plumbing, if you know what I mean). But mom's never retreated for a weekend or went out for the evening. How did they do it?? Then the next generation of fathers came along, which brings me to the 2nd set:

The second one is My husband. Now they still have the mindset of providing for the family b/c it had been modeled to them. I wanted to stay home with my children, just felt that was right for me. He was agreeable with that. Even though I cleaned houses parttime, he still worked on the side-building stuff or doing plumbing. But he never missed a ballgame of his children if he could help it. Whether he had to trade shifts or work overtime to make up for it, he was always there. This generation let the moms discipline as they didn't want to spend what time they had being "mean". This father can sit and visit with his children and talk just about anything. He says "nothing can surprise him" hmmmmm? This is the baby boom generation who also became known as the hippy generation, although this father is the complete opposite. He has a good work ethic and shows up for work sometimes an hour early, (in case he had a flat). At work, there are no excuses. He learned that from the previous fathers. This father would keep the kids for a weekend, so that mommy dearest could retreat for awhile. Or for a night, for me to go to a movie. He kept our 3 month old baby girl while I took the boys to the Houston Rodeo. I was still nursing at the time. We were the first generation to have the fathers in the delivery room, although it didn't start until our 3rd time around. That really made a difference in his involvement in caring for our infant. Which brings us to the third set:

The third is My sons. They have a much different role than the fathers before them. From day one of their children's lives, they have played an active role, a shared responsibility with the mothers. They are known as the X generation. I never have liked that. What does that mean, anyway??? It sounds so negative. These fathers are anything but negative. They share in baths, feedings, playtime, discipline and probably much more than I can think of now. Their children don't see a difference in whose caring for them at the moment, b/c both parents are active equally in their lives. This generation usually has both parents working, sometimes b/c they have to, sometimes b/c they want to. And that works these days b/c the fathers have stepped it up a few notches.

Just to say, they ALL have been a vital part in who we are. And I'm proud of all the fathers in my life.

Nuff said!

My Bionic Man

Reading up on my last few blogs, one might think that God failed us, in that we DID in fact have the dreaded surgery. I'm here to say, HE DID NOT!. And He does not need this feeble human to explain His part in this, but I will attempt anyway for MY peace of mind.

When Wayne's heart rate was racing constantly 24/7, it wore him out. After 5+ weeks of this, we prayed for God to slow it down(which we firmly believe He did, as it has not raced since). Where we went wrong in our thinking, is thinking that would cure all. HA! The flutters caused the high heart rate. So, even though the flutters were still happening, Wayne was able to function, (not to normal capacity),to the point he was tempted to cancel the surgery. Thank God, we didn't, b/c he started a-fibbing and/or fluttering again. (to the drs. there's a difference in the two, to Wayne, there IS no difference) I might add here that his heart rate stayed normal during this time, thank you Jesus. Maybe God slowed the rate until we could have the surgery knowing he needed it. I don't pretend to know the mind of God, our job is to trust Him and we will do just that. I do know He was with us thru it all and HE will never leave us or forsake us. If we had canceled, we would be waiting right now for another date in which to have the procedure done again. One might say, "well dummy, why didn't you ask for God to just heal it all, if He can do it". That's an legitimate question. Don't know the answer though. We do ask God for wisdom in making decisions, so maybe He had a part in that as well.

It was a huge blessing to have all our children there waiting with me. Wayne went into surgery knowing all the children would be there. And as he came out at the end of the day, even though feeling much pain and discomfort, he was blessed to see his children. We had Alex and Maya all day too, and they were great to be able to stick it out for such a long time. They both finally fell asleep after the long day at the hospital. They neither one was as happy to see Wayne as Wayne was to see them, but the next evening at home, they were both normal to him. My faithful friend Kathy was also there with me. Wayne's sister, Cherry, wanted to be there, as she has been there for the other surgeries, but couldn't make it this time. She was there in spirit though, I know!!

As for Wayne's outcome in this surgery, it goes as follows:

I now have the bionic man living with me, as the pacemaker is running his whole heart.

It controls his heart rate no matter what the flutters are doing.

After healing, he probably will not feel the flutters, and will lead a normal life.

Of course, we might have to redefine normal, but maybe not, as we have heard stories of others living normal. We will expect the same.

I hope to write again saying how good he feels and is back to normal.

Until then.........

A Smile Goes a Long Way

My Rebekah found this out Sunday at the nursing home. While we adults were singing hymns of the faith---She was passing out bowls of ice cream to the residents. Oh My!!! they just love to see children, and they were tickled she was serving them. With her beautiful smile she made their day much brighter than they had anticipated.

This was the beginning of our time together on her sleepover. It was great!!

Thank you Beka for serving the least of us. Many can't do for themselves. She is not really accustomed to being around the elderly and she was a JEWEL in my eyes. Alex went with me last week, and they adored him also. But as expected , he was a little shy and finally fell asleep in my arms while we were singing.

They are always welcomed to come with me anytime.

Jesus loves the little children----- there is always room for children in God's eyes.

Third Time’s a Charm!!

That's what they say, anyway!!! Are there statistics on this??? Will I bring home a renewed and improved hubby or the bionic man??? At this point, anything is an improvement. Tomorrow will tell the story. If the pacemaker takes over the whole heart, isn't that life support?? That's what Wayne calls it. Living off a chip about as big as a silver dollar, with a battery no less!! Whose in charge of making these pacemakers and batteries, for that matter???? We know most things now a days are made in China. And some things are designed by engineers fresh out of college!!! EEEEKKK!!!! Did they finish at the top of their class or by the skin of their teeth??? We also know by experience- some people don't have integrity to build something to last. They'd rather cut corners and make a bigger profit. After all, they'll never the see or experience the results of a flawed product. They'll never face the family their product affects. I'm not just talking about the big guys on top. I'm talking about the John Doe who actually put it together. The one who goes home after an 8 hr. day not caring what kind of production he gave the company.

The human body is a magnificient piece of work. I am in awe of how it all works together for the common good of the body. It's scary to mess with mother nature, but if it has failed the body in some way, THANK YOU GOD--you gave some of us the brains to figure out how to help the body along.

Wayne and I can rest tonight with a peace that passes all understanding, knowing this is a win/win situation.

Many things about tomorrow - I don't seem to understand. But I know who holds tomorrow, and I know who holds my hand.

We both believe this. Here's another saying--

Those who sing--pray twice.

I still believe in Miracles

I believe we have witnessed a miracle. Those of you who already know the story leading up to this, hang in there---you know I'm a detailed person.

Wayne has for the last 5-plus weeks experienced a fast heart rate, which wears him out and gives him that whimpy feeling. This has been going on 24/7. The dr. said another ablation and if he couldn't resolve it, he'd just disconnect his heart and let the pacemaker run EVERYTHING. Yeah, I know, scarey!!

A couple of weeks before the Dr. visit, I heard testimony from a very reliable source ( a dr, no less). His son was about to endure a very painful surgery to remove a kidney stone. Now, he had had others that dissolved and some that broke up, but this particular one was large and would not budge. The dr.- father was reminded to ask God for his heart's desire. Well, it's obvious what that would be---for the stone to just disappear, right? Being a dr., he knew the chances of it disappearing were very slim, so asking God for this was a big step in faith. The morning of the surgery, his wife called him (as he was working-seeing patients) and told him-before surgery the drs. were checking to make sure exactly where the stone was located. THEY COULD NOT FIND IT!!!! The message of this story--pray your heart's desire.

Back to Wayne. This week I was talking to Wayne while he was working and told him about this story. I said maybe instead of praying for successful surgery, we should pray our heart's desire. Well I didn't have to hint as to what THAT would be. Our heart's desire is for God to heal him so that a 3rd surgery is not necessary. I told a few people to pray along with us for this specifically. Hadn't even had a chance to tell my Bible study ladies about it. I was going to tell them Tuesday when I saw them again. In my little human mind, thinking I had plenty of time to tell them, after all God's got til June 10th to do His wonders right???

This morning Wayne came in from working all night in the oilfield and told me to listen to his heart. I assumed he was worried, as the case usually is. HIS HEART WAS BEATING NORMAL. I raised up and looked at him in amazement. He said 76 beats a minute(which is normal), and it hasn't been that way in months. When he woke up this afternoon to get ready for work again--I listened again. STILL BEATING NORMAL!!!! PRAISE THE LORD!! Thank you Lord for showing us his heart has what it takes. I expect to be able to call the dr. and say--"no need, thanks anyway"--

Now this is still a free country, I THINK, and I choose to believe that God intervened and divinely calmed his heart down. Call me crazy-doesn't matter- I believe in miracles and we are giving God the Glory.

WHAT!! Another surgery?????

Well, we went to the doctor and the doctor said,

"ya got two choices since ya can't take meds.

I can do one more ablation, and if it's not a taker

I'll cut the connections,and leave it to the pacemaker."

Just one last surgery, that's what we understood.

After this, no more surgeries! Sure sounds good!

He'd feel pretty normal from the very start,

But of course, this is always a last resort.

All kiddin' aside, it's a scarey thing,

For the body to depend on such a small machine.

The other choice is keep doin' what he's doin',

And let me tell ya, that ain't a whole lot of livin'.

The choice is obvious, that ain't no lie,

'cause livin' like this, you'd just soon die.

But we have a GOD, and He'll see us thru,

'cause He still has alot for Wayne to do.

So we'll do all we can and give it our best,

But thru it all, in God we will rest.

Birthday Saga

Well, wouldn't ya know it. My old friend showed up today about noon. She wanted to show me her new suv. She wished me a belated BD and gifted me with 2 count them-2 1-hr. massages. She is now sporting a Grand Cherokee. She's one of those who has done everything right financially. Good for her, she has worked dog hard all her life and has had to fight her stupid husband on everything financially. I bet he's loving it now,lol He wouldn't be sitting so pretty had it not been for her.

I still miss who we were. We talked about those times. Some of which when she would get a new car, we would take a road trip. Ya know to test it out. Those were the good ole days-- Six Flags, Galveston, Canton, Austin, San padres Island, Biloxi, Destin, Ft. Walton, New Braunfels, San Antonio. Of course, all of those trips were not "new car" trips. My kids saw alot of these places because of her generousity. Don't know if they knew it before now, but they will.

Anywho!!! We had fun with or without the kids, she was like part of the family. I miss those days. I will try to be more tolerate of her now, she's in there somewhere. Deep inside. SHE will even say- she hasn't been the same since 2006 and she's right. Something snapped and I wish I knew how to fix it. I always knew how before. I have my own problems now and my plate is full, but she's in capable hands. God loves her more than I ever could.

This concludes the BD saga

My Birthday

I had a very good birthday. I requested money to have our yard cleaned up, only I'm too embarassed to ask my ex-yard guy if he'll take on the job. The backyard is a mess, partly b/c of our little diggers we rescued last winter and partly b/c everything is overgrown.

Anyway, my Bible Study group sang HB and my good friend Kathy treated me to lunch but most importantly some chat time.

Later in the evening, our family got together at Mark and Lisa's. We had hamburgers, quacamole and chips and those grilled peppers with bacon and shrimp, and cupcakes. Thanks Lisa and Rick.

It was sweet to see the little ones pile up in Wayne's lap and played hide and seek. Beka is growing up and is still my sweet pea.

It has just dawned on me what went wrong on my BD. I have not heard from one of my oldest friends in the world. This is the 1st BD she has missed. I'll call her next week, but not now; I don't want her to think that's why I'm calling. We usually do something together. In her defense, things aren't the same with us anymore and hasn't been for a couple of years. She has lost track of reality and I won't be surprised if someday I'm told she has totally lost it and is in Rusk or some place like it. We really do have a long history, but I find myself just not being able to relate to her at all. How crummy a friend is that, not to stick it out with her. I've been there for her thru everything in her life, being her stable rock to lean on. Now, I don't even know who she is anymore. I just don't have the energy to do it anymore. Before, I have put her before my husband and kids, to run to her rescue. Maybe she realizes I don't do that anymore. OR, maybe she doesn't b/c she's on another plain. lol. But I'm not kidding. My plate is very full and I just can't deal with her wierdness.

It still makes me sad that things have changed with us. I miss who she really is, down deep inside. I miss our fun doing anything and everything. There is a void where she was in my life. I think it's gone for good. I miss beating her in checkers not b/c I'm so good at checkers, but b/c she is so easily distracted, I could pull anything off. I miss go-cart racing. I beat her in that too.lol I miss going to the beach. I miss selling coke bottles to have enough money to go to the state park and making tuna salad sandwiches; riding bikes on the trails there with my kids.

I could go on and on. Bottom line- I miss who WE were. Ya know, younger and healthier. I pray she doing ok. I still love her like a sister. I just can't deal with her in large doses.

Heart of Hearts

The heart of all hearts is just not acting right. I can't tell you how, sad and frustrated that makes me feel. Wayne has one of the biggest hearts I know and sadly enough it has been thru the wringer. It's thought he might have addison's disease, which would explain his low blood pressure all his life. So, yep, you can guess that's another pill to take, hopefully to be the cure-all. I'm convinced stress brought all this to light, but with so much attention given to it, you'd think he would be getting better. The stress that brought this on is no longer, but a new stress is present now. The worry of losing his job over being sick too much. It is a vicious circle. Right now, his heart rate is really fast and it makes his blood pressure lower, hence making him feel very weak, fuzzy minded and groggy.

This is happening way too soon in our lives. He has worked hard- I mean dog-hard all his life. Isn't there supposed to be a breather between working hard most of your life and feeling old, sick and washed up? Mind you, he's NOT washed up, but he feels washed up. A year ago, he was this vibrant, strong ox of a man; to now wobbling from the bed to the recliner. Oh, lest I forget, with a strong appetite for McKenzie's Burgers and Fries only. Before, he couldn't stand to eat the same thing twice.

Well, we're waiting for a call from his dr. who is in Houston today, so it might be late. I hope it can be taken care of OUT of the hospital, as he's quite tired of that. Mostly, he's tired of being cared for from a Hospital Contract dr. and being poked on constantly by blood suckers.

To be continued, the dr. just called, and told him to come in.-----------

Ok we're back. Did an EKG and it shows it's the left side and it's part of the healing process. Called in some medicine to maybe calm the heart down. Yep, another pill!! Hope it works!! At least we KNOW something now. Living thru this and not knowing is very stressful. I mean, questions like-will the heart finally just give out and stop beating?????----really does a number on the mind. But thank God, we rest easy knowing this is normal. It's not a nice normal, but it's to be expected and we just have to SUFFER. Those of you who knows anything about the family understand that last sentence. LOL

Ok , I'm thru, I feel better now. I just hope he, my heart of hearts, can feel better soon.

Back under the knife

Just one week from now, I hope and pray Wayne will be recovering from a very successful surgery. We knew this might have to be done again, but there's no harm in hoping he wouldn't. The odds were against him. He's so tired of being tired!!!!

I know he said he wouldn't do this again, but really it was the care or should I say careLESSNESS that he received in ICU at Herman Hospital. Once he found out he could have it done at Methodist Hospital, he was on board. Anything to feel better again.

What's weird is his younger sister from Monroe will be down in the medical center at the same time, except at St. Lukes. What's the odds of that happening??

Maybe 2 wks from now I will be blogging on how much better he feels. Or maybe in a month. In any case I'll be back.