An Answered Prayer

I know, after that long post last night, you can't imagine what else I could say. Right? Well, I CANNOT KEEP SILENT!!!

I was trusted with someone's $40, Thursday to buy a turkey, then give them the change back. I know it doesn't sound like much money, but it's the principle. As it turns out, Wayne brought home a smoked, honey-glazed turkey breast and a smoked, honey glazed ham from work that night, so we didn't need the $40. So give it back.....but wait....where is the $40. I had it folded and separate from my money. It's nowhere to be seen!! Oh, crap!!

I had bought one of those cute little kangaroo pouch for my purse at BB&B, tried it out, didn't like it, took it back the next day. I was sure I checked all the little pockets in this thing before I returned it. Now it's Christmas Day, and I can't find the money. Since we didn't have to buy a turkey, I was about to have to chuck up $40 of my own. (which I do not have to spare).

After checking all pockets in clothing, and purse, I resolved to go back to BB&B this morning and check all the kangaroo pouches for the money. So that I did!! Found nothing!! Even asked a checker if they had put the return items back on the floor. She assured me they had.

OK, now I'm depressed!! Looking in the air vent of the dryer and out in the yard where it blows, I am one stumped woman on a mission!! Now, it's not just the principle, or the money! NOW, it's CURIOSITY!! What on earth could have happened to the money???

I have never been one to ask God to help me find something, like..."please, God, help me find my keys". I've always thought there were plenty other things, more important for him to tend to. Plus, I kind-of, sort-of thought it was my stupidity and dealt with it myself.

There's a first time for everything!! I prayed "Father God, I know this will sound so trivial to you, but I really need to find that $40 today. I'm asking you to direct me in the way I should go, or if I spent the money,which I pretty positive I have not, but if I have, show me where I spent it. I ask this in Jesus name and claim it in the power of the blood he shed on the cross for me. Amen"

I looked at all my recent receipts to see if I paid cash for anything. Nope, I used the debit card for everything. Mary Ann came home, we ate lunch, all the while feeling mopey, downhearted.

I was looking in my purse for the umpteenth time, and there with a folded $10 coupon from Penneys to use til the 31st, was the folded up $40. Yes, you could say, I never lost it. You could say, I just overlooked it. You could say, why did he wait on me to beg him, why didn't he just direct me to do that in the first place? HE DID!!! REMEMBER?? For the UMPTEENTH TIME!!!! I am convinced that God had me look in my purse ONE MORE TIME. The coupon felt too fat to be just a coupon and so I checked it out. Had not done that before.

May sound silly, but this brought me to tears!!! Even if it's fault of our own, God pulls through for us. He cares about the smallest things in our life. Thank you Father God for caring and loving me. This is the way I see it, so goes the label.

Celebrating Christmas...In My Heart!

Christmas is here! In my heart, that is!! It's taken a while.

Last weekend we (our whole family) made the yearly trip to my parents to celebrate Christmas with them and all the cousins and their families. It really is a big group now. It was nice to be able to see everyone, but they couldn't seem to make it all at the same time. Did we get pictures? yes! Group pictures??? no! Just random shots here and there. I passed out my Christmas cards a friend had made for me of my poem. Made the trip back home, Sunday night after the Saints lost the game. Monday morning, I started addressing Christmas cards and got them off in the mail. (this is me getting in the Christmas spirit, less than a week away). I didn't order enough from my friend, so I was really trying to save them for friends who had lost a loved one this year or in recent years.

That night I drove around town looking at Christmas lights. Some were pretty awesome, and looked as though it wasn't that difficult to do. This inspired me to get out the lights and just "do it". Last year, I brought home tons of lights from my parents' attic, so Tuesday, about mid-day, I made a feeble attempt of putting lights up. Wish I could post pictures, but I ain't that smart!! Each day, I'd add a little something else. It looks a little quaint and homey, but I love it. Almost tackled putting up the ice-cycle lights, but decided against it.

It lifted my spirits to see my lights at night as I drove up to our home. Before, it looked as though the Grinch lived here. Not now!.... even my elderly neighbor's spirits have lifted by looking across the way at our lights.

Tuesday night we had practice for the Christmas Eve service. We had a children's choir participating this year and it really is delightful to hear children singing. This pushed me in the mood a little bit more. Shopping was not so bad, Thursday, but the traffic was horrible!! I've never seen it so bad in little ole Conroe.

(the 24th) This morning, I noticed something about one of the gifts I bought. Really wanted to go back to the store and exchange it. Did I dare????? I had been so proud and bushed to be finished with all I had to do, so as not to get out in the hustle and bustle on Christmas Eve. Well, I did it anyway. It was amazing!! This morning the traffic was like a Sunday mornings and the stores were almost begging people in. I was back home in less than 30 minutes. Of course, I live right in town, just a short drive to anywhere! Had I known it was going to be like this, I might would have waited til today to do it all!! Nah!! Ha!

This afternoon, I went to Christmas Eve service at Fellowship of The Woodlands, with Mary Ann and Mark. Beka was home with a virus, so Lisa stayed home. We met Jennifer and Waylon there. The candlelight part is always the most moving time of the service. I couldn't even sing, so I didn't try. Just held my candle and let the tears roll where they may.

Afterwards, we went and ate some Italian grub. Good stuff! Came home just in time to have some delicious coffee from our new Keurig coffeemaker. Then change clothes and go the the Christmas Eve service at my church. It was amusing at parts of it, won't go into details, but I will tell this one thing. While the children were leading us in carols, a little girl about 2 yrs. old, came up the aisle,up the steps and back to one of the band members. Apparently, she knew her, but when told to go sit down, she did. Cute, brave little thing. Considering there were children in our midst, Ben used different props as examples of gifts to the Lord. Object lessons, would be the term, I believe.Candlelight part was much to be desired. Instead of candles, where we could light each other's candle, we had votive candles, which had to be lit by lighters, with 4 lighters trying to accommodate about 200 people. Isn't the idea, and the point of the message to share your light with one another thus spreading and shutting out the darkness??? Well, anyway, we got them all lit after 4 verses of Silent Night.

When the service was over, we discovered a gusher of a rainstorm was welcoming us to our cars. I "borrowed" a Walmart bag from the kitchen to pull over my head and rushed out. I arrived at Hearthstone Assisted Living just as the last song was being sung, but just in time to hear Jeff deliver a fantastic message followed by a sweet lighting of our candles and singing Silent Night. Then came singing Happy Birthday to Jesus and serving birthday cake. Like Jesus fed the 5000, so we stretched the servings of a normal size cake and served about 30 residents.

So back home to a Christmas movie with Mary Ann, but not before I visited my friend across the street, Ms. Ruth. We exchanged gifts and revisited old hymns in a book I gave her about the origins of the songs. As a young bride, she was exposed to southern gospel music in Tennessee, where her husband was the dean of a college. She'd never heard of "I'll Fly Away". Now that's just wild to me!! Meanwhile, back to the house with Mary Ann. We finished the movie and she went to play games with some friends. I stayed home, although, I was invited, I wanted to stay and wait for Wayne to come home. After all, it was Christmas Eve. He worked til midnight, because the power went out in the oilfield. 18 hours straight.

So, for Christmas day.... a very lazy morning for Mary Ann and me; for Wayne....another long day shift, which is the reason our celebration was moved to the evening. Everyone arrived safely between 6 and 7. There was still a little preparation for the dinner. We had the movie-"Elf" playing in the background while the kids played. We had our fill at the dinner table, and now was the time for gifts to be opened. The kids had waited so patiently. I finally laid my head on my pillow after midnight. It's good to have all the family together, except for Jeremy and Cassie. We'll celebrate Christmas with them in January.

This morning, (the day after Christmas, I was up for worship team. During the Sunday School time, we had a breakfast for everyone, so I visited with Roy. I'm still missing Kathy, but somehow.....Godhow......my sadness has decreased a bit. Don't know if it's because of the holiday spirit going around or if this is the beginning of being ok with my bestest friend EVER, being gone from this life.

Again, I'll remind anyone reading this....this blog is more for me.....documenting my venting........

healing.......celebrating or whatever the case may be, so I won't hold it against you if you skip thru most of it or skip it entirely. This post was a bit of all 3. Did you even notice I only mentioned Kathy once?? Labeling as I see it. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JESUS!! I sure enjoyed celebrating your birthday this year."

I Admit It!

Ok, this is a warning.... this is not a happy post. My heart is beating so fast... because I've just admitted to myself, I'm in depression. I know, I know....I do have a lot to be thankful for. Knowing this, kind of makes the depression worse. Shame on me, right? I have a wonderful, caring, compassionate husband of 40+ years, 3 fun to be with children and their families, a host of friends--past, present and beautiful parents and extended family. I just can't shake it.

I go thru all the motions of normal life, to make me feel normal, but there's just something missing.I can't seem to get past how wonderful my friend Kathy looked just a month before she passed away and how fast she went down. At her 70th birthday party, she didn't even look like the same person. A little had to do with the spa day her sister-in-law treated her to the morning of her party. It was a wonderful sweet thing to do for Kathy, because Kathy would have never in a million years, spend the money to fuss over her looks. The spa lady was given a message from Roy, not to make her up like a "clown". Well, she went overboard with that idea, because Kathy was pale, had no blush and very pale lipstick. Her hair was done up different than Kathy would have done, plus we had her wear this eye mask until she got in the house, which messed her hairdo up. She wore black and white shirt and shorts, when normally she would have worn something with color. And she sure wouldn't have worn shorts if she had known all those people were going to be there. Besides her physical looks, she was doing super bad physically. Even the Tuesday before that, I met them at Incredible Pizza, (right after her first oxygen was delivered) I took a picture of both of them walking together and Roy holding both portable tanks. As the week went on, the fluid was building up at a rapid speed, to where she could hardly sit up straight, let alone walk.

I know I will walk out of this eventually, but it's just a very numb feeling. I've been depressed before, but the other times, there was hope to look forward to. With this, she's gone, hope is gone. Not for her obviously, but for the ones left. Yeah, I know I have the assurance of seeing her in heaven, but that doesn't help in this life.

I can't get motivated to decorate for Christmas. It seems like such a chore. I wish I could blink my eyes and it be done. ha! good one, Libby!!

None of us wanted her to suffer, so our prayers were answered. The heart gave out before the cancer could literally destroy her body. I just didn't think it would be that quick. She had things she wanted and needed to say and do. She read her book of notes we presented her at her party, but she didn't get to spend the time to really absorb it all. Of course it was all about her, so she probably didn't want to get a swelled head with all the compliments. HA! I need to borrow the book and read it again. People wrote such wonderful things about her, to her and they were ALL TRUE!

I've heard silly talk (like who cares?) about whether Oprah and Gail are lesbians, because they share such a close friendship. I don't care one way or the other, I stopped watching her 3 years ago, but don't belittle friendships of this magnitude to a mere sex relationship. Women know!! I've had the privilege of some pretty amazing friendships, I wouldn't take anything for this experience. It just hurts like all get out when you lose that person.

Well, now that I've admitted it, I'm still going to go thru the motions of life. Nothing has changed with that, it's what we do. And I think, eventually I will walk out of this. Yes, I know, now there's only one set of footprints in the sand and they're not mine. I think I'll rest in that!

Just me labeling as I see it and admitting I don't always see clearly, sometimes it's cloudy!!