And the Wait Goes On, and the Wait Goes On

Went with my friend to her oncologist yesterday, for the results of biopsy and ct scan. The verdict is Sarcoma cancer, but another opinion is being sought from Baylor to rule out any of it being a comeback of the melanoma she had years ago. We were told this is not uncommon to get 2nd opinions.

The nodules in her lung have grown in size and numbers, and the dr. strongly recommends her going to MD Anderson, as this is not her specialty. Her ins. does not approve of it, however, she was told if her pcp would send a referral, they would consider it. This is all underway as I type. And so we WAIT, YET AGAIN!!!We have found most of the waiting has been from the ins. approving EVERY STEP TAKEN!! Of course the Sadler Clinic "scramble" has not helped matters in the least, having to grab another pcp. And then grab another, as the first one could not take anymore medicare patients. She has been referred to a Dr. Patell. (sp), a specialist in Sarcoma cancers, at MDA.

The treatment would probably be chemo, and no surgery, but we WAIT!

Oh, and the 4x4x4 mass on/in her heart has not changed, but they still don't know what it is, as it did not light up in the pet scans like the cancer spots did.

My friend seems very calm, taking it all in. She knows our God is in control. She has become more assertive as she has learned she has to be. Physically, she says she is definitely more short of breath, just going from her bedroom to the kitchen, which is a fairly short distance. Other than that she feels ok. I started to say "feels normal", but what IS normal? As we grow older, normal changes, depending on how the body is functioning.

Anyhoo...this is me labeling it as I see it...... We WAIT!

p.s. Father God, please, we need her more than you need her.

Continued from last night--or early this morning--however you want to see it--June 10,4:30 p.m.

Aetna has approved her to go to MD Anderson. (99 visits) isn't that funny? The waiting still goes on, as we wait to get an appointment with Dr. Patell. The MDA lady told her she could not promise to get her in this month, but since her oncologist has already been talking to Dr. Patell, maybe that would make a difference.

This ain't God's first rodeo, so we are confident things will keep moving along.

Thank you Lord for breaking thru the red tape. One more thing--this is the verse she's leaning on Psalm 31:14-15a, "But as for me, I trust in You; O Lord, I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in Your hand...."

Only me, labeling as I see it.

I Dunno about this!

Alex has gone for the day. He sure is a cutie. Next time he comes, I promised we'd go to Incredible Pizza.

We are in the midst of tearing out our carpet. Not quite sure, which way I want to go, but I'm leaning on granicrete floors. This amounts to painted concrete. http://customsurfacesolutions.com/InteriorFlooring.html

I just really hate the in-between stage. I'm ready to get-er done, before we run out of money, but do we need to paint before the floors are done. And if so, what color?? No one paints the walls white anymore. Do I get rid of wallpaper?? Oh, and some major fixing of things need to happen. We need to do something to the space where we took the bricks out under the snack bar. Boy, I can see now, the list just keeps getting longer. I'd like to just move. What's it like to move into a brand new house no one has ever lived in??? And where would we move? We need a fence for the dogs. The house is in such a convenient place, but the area is slowly deteriorating. It was a great place to raise our kids, but we're past that now.

I dunno... maybe I'll just freeze and not do anything. I hate having all these thoughts in my head at the same time!!! I'm not used to it..lol really!

This is me labeling as I see it.

Concerning Thoughts

Thoughts are running thru my head. So many concerning things, but one thought in particular.

Why do I mostly write on sad issues??... It's a way to express myself, when you don't want to bother anyone else. That's what I have decided, because I am normally an upbeat kind of gal, but am bothered periodically about one thing or another.

The waiting game... is what we are playing now. My friend has what the drs. call suspected spots of cancer scattered throughout her body, specifically on her hip bone, nodules in lungs and on lymph node under the liver. Oh, yeah, and a 4x4x4 mass of some sort in/on her heart, but it doesn't show up to be cancer. They don't know what this is!!! What?? Another ct scan hopefully shows it disappearing. We'll see.... also waiting on results from biopsy taken from lymph node. If it's not test results, it's insurance to wait on. This has been going on as we know it since April 29th.

My husband is about to hit the 3 yr. mark of his health downfall. He's had a pacemaker put in for low heart-rate, 3 Cardiod ablations in 8 months time. another kind of pacemaker replaced the first one, and a couple of extra hospital stays on top of all the other. He doesn't feel any better than he did 3 years ago. Oh, and the pacemaker now controls his heart, as in if IT stops, his heart stops. Well that's a comforting thought!!! Dr. Fuller has made her assessment on the whole thing. Indulge me, if you will....... He suffers from depression and this has not helped one bit. He was a very active man before and now energy is zapped from doing hardly anything. I believe or rather I hope that the inactivity has slowed his stamina and maybe he needs to build his strength up. The mind is willing if the body will follow. Depression can also zap the energy level, so in essence he's in a vicious circle. If we could get his energy level up, then maybe depression would be less. On the other hand, if we could help his depression ease up, then maybe his energy level would rise. See what I mean?? It's a dilemma, I tell you!!! I find myself trying to jump in the vicious circle on stop the madness, but I can't. I can only sit by and watch and be there for him. Some days are good and we think..ok we're on the mend, and then bam wam!!...there it sits like a lion ready to consume him.

I have much more but will have to save it for another post. I'm waiting on sweet Alex to get here for a little while. This is why we have grandchildren??...to be a beacon of light!!!

This is me labeling as I see it.

TIES THAT BIND

Say what you will about "My Space" and "Facebook". There are some cruel people out there bullying more vunerable people, mainly teenagers. Just as the type can be used to hurt someone, it can also be used to heal, which is the case for Melanie and me. We were better at sharing our hearts thru type than in person.

There were at least 4 ties that bind us. Melanie and I had just renewed our relationship not quite two years ago. The biggest thread is our faith in Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior. That seems to bring even strangers together. It's a kindred spirit. I read thru all conversations last night from "My Space", and found 4 most important ties we had going for us and we concentrated on those and not so much on the past. Her faith helped her to keep herself accountable. We had endless talks on wanting to just abide in Christ, letting him be our thoughts, words, actions and expressions. We shared familiar struggles.

Another thread that tied us was our love for family - how proud we are of our children-our regrets for mistakes in raising them. Having to back off while they live their lives.

The third thread was enjoying making people smile or laugh. Now, I admit, people probably do more laughing AT me than WITH me, but I'll take it.

The last of the 4 is our love for cats. We share this thread with her sister Cherry also. She had real concerns as to what would happen to Oreo. I have the same concerns as does Wayne. That being said, unless Oreo has a better offer, we would like to take Oreo home with us and thus have a piece of Melanie's heart in loving her cat.

Just a quick update on Oreo. Someone accidently let Oreo out of the apartment the day before we were to take him home. We looked all over and called for him, but were unsuccessful in finding him. There are so many places for him to hide, and he's been known to stay away unless he hears Melanie whistle for him. Maybe his luck will be as it was when he happened on to Melanie. They just sort of adopted one another.

Take care, Oreo, we hope you show up soon and we can bring you home.

Rest in peace, Melanie, you are surely loved and missed. Still hard to believe.

This is only me labeling as I see it.

What Life Deals Us

Life is crazy, sometimes. Doesn't always happen the way we expect it to. It throws a wrench in our daily routine, causing us to ponder if we really do have it all together. The wrench might be a loss of a job, deterioration of a friendship, the death of a loved one, the pain we feel (physical or emotional), the pain of others, the suffering of others. It all touches our lives, for the good or for the bad. How we respond to these wrenches in our lives is the secret to living a sane life.

If I believe nothing comes to me that doesn't go thru the Father's hand first, then I can face anything because I know who holds tomorrow. I know He is with me every step of the way. I know He will never forsake me. My hope is in HIM. Not just to have a ticket to heaven as some would say, but for abundant life right now here on earth. I know these things in my head, but only when I respond will I know it 18 inches below in my heart.

My sister passed away 4 1/2 yrs. ago. She knew she was dying. She became at peace with it saying once " it's a win win for me". Meaning if she was cured of colon cancer, she wins and if she should die, she wins, experiencing the hope of glory we all read about and claim for ourselves.

My younger sister-in-law is now facing that same phase in her life. I pray she is at peace and fears no evil. The Lord IS her Shepherd too. Will she take comfort in knowing just beyond this life is a life with no more pain, no more tears. She'll be in the arms of the Father. She'll be with loved ones gone before her--her parents, grandparents, sisters, brother.

Will we take comfort, those left behind, in letting her go. I believe there comes a time in a person's life when they are facing death and know it, they receive a welcoming into the Father's arms. And at that time, they either fight it or surrender to it in peace. The loved ones around will notice the peace she or he has and will be at peace also. The 23rd Psalms always seems comforting to read at a memorial service. Hmmm, I wonder why that is....... the first line says it all.....The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want!!!

This is me labeling as I see it!

Birthday Wishes to Me

I had a wonderful birthday celebration this year. The week OF my birthday, I got a card from my sister and my neighbor. The actual day started out with a funny card from Wayne. Then attending an estate sale with my good friend, Kathy, and afterwards lunch at Pizza Shack. The estate sale was from a friend of ours at church who passed away in December. I wanted something that she had painted on or made. She was very creative and talented. I got a round lamptable that she painted on and a trash can painted on and a small quilting she had made. Had many birthday wishes on facebook. Went to dinner with Mark, Lisa and the kids at the restaurant Mary Ann works at part-time. Good times!!! I went home the weekend after my birthday to celebrate the upcoming birthday of my dad the following Tuesday. Received a card from my parents with my birthday money. (still haven't spent it yet) Came home, Tuesday night and started preparing for Matthew, Ashleigh and kids coming the next weekend to celebrate my birthday as a family. (Wayne had to work the night of my birthday, so we postponed til the weekend he would be off. Matthew and family got here around midnight Friday night. Got to play with Maya a little and hold Baby Phoenix. (my how he looks like a Fuller boy) Found a picture of Wayne as a baby , saw there was a resemblance. Kept the kids Saturday night while they went to an outing. Maya is so full of energy, energizer bunny comes to mind. Phoenix has reflux problems as did Maya when a baby. Seemed holding him for the most part on my chest or Wayne's chest was satisfactory for him. Sweet baby boy. I sang at church the next morning and played with Maya at home and held Phoenix when he wasn't nursing or sleeping with his mommy. We all went to Mark and Lisa's for grilled hamburgers and ice cream cake. A little bit of margaritas was enjoyed by most everyone. (non-alchoholic for children and nursing moms) Rebekah did her impressions of everyone in the family. She's quite good, except she exaggerated me a bit, I believe. (wink, wink) More cards from the kids and gifts which was not necessary. I just love getting together with our family for good times.

I know this was probably boring, but I wanted to document before I forget. It can happen to the best of us. This is me labeling as I see it. I love my family.

WHO DAT???

I am bursting at the seams, I'm so happy for my home state. New Orleans Saints finally pulled it off. And what a good game it was.

Now, one might be thinking," hmm, is she a fair weathered fan? Never heard her speak of football before." No, I'm not. I've just never been passionate about any team since the Oilers let us down in 1978. I was all hyped up about them, got my boys all the oiler gear I could get my hands on, then PLOP!! Astros did the same thing to me. I just decided it wasn't worth it.

To be honest, I can attribute my pull for the Saints to 2 people--my dad and my cousin. I enjoyed watching LSU and the Saints play whenever I was home with my parents. And then there's my cousin...Sheri... Met up with her on Facebook after years of knowing nothing going on in her life. I quickly saw what stirred her up. LSU and Saints, also. She would comment and keep us up on the games, when we weren't able to see it. Honey, she could make an ant race seem exciting. Her enthusiasm is contagious.

So I started keeping up with the Saints and watching when I could. What a team and coach they have. Awesome!!!! Drew Brees is for sure on the radar now. He's up there with the best of them.

I am so glad something uplifting has happened for New Orleans. And for Louisiana. And of course for the Saints. They were the underdog for so long. It's been a long climb, but they finally made it to the top.

As for me? I will be watching all the Saints games in the future and being their #1 fan in this household.

That's the way I see it!! WHO DAT!!!!

Added the next night....just got thru watching the superbowl on NFL network again. I don't think it will ever get old. Such a great game..sweet!! through and through!!!! This time you could hear the coaches and players talking.

Now! THAT'S the way I see it. WHO DAT !!!