Ticheli Road..50 Years Ago Today

What was I doing 50 years ago. Most likely, at 8 years old, I was outside (wasn't allowed to play in peoples houses) playing with neighbor friends Susan and Marsha or maybe "Poodlem" across the street, living out a carefree life children have every right to live. My only concern in those days were well, never mind.... I didn't have concerns.

My husband, Wayne on the other hand, lived a different life. It was not unusual for him to go to bed hearing his parents argue and fight, waking up to them in the morning, or in the middle of the night. Just pull the covers up over the head and hide. Maybe the dull thumps on the wall would lessen and he would fall asleep.

If it hadn't been yet, innocence was for sure stripped away as one morning, he woke up to yelling outside. Looking out the window he saw these voices were of the hired hands of his dad. When a lull of work came about , they would play with Wayne, so he was curious as to what was going on. Much to his surprise and horror..... he watched as his dad was shooting at these guys and killing them one by one. There were 5 young men, one of them lived. The other 4 perished in the side yard, where on many lazy days, they played with him. Wayne's mother was coming out frantic with pillows and blankets, trying to make them comfortable. She, only being 26 years old herself, was not prepared to experience this horror, but then, nobody is, right?

His dad came in the kitchen and ordered his mom to make some coffee. He sat down by the kitchen phone on the wall and called Sheriff Bailey Grant, saying, " Bailey, you'd better get out here, I've done killed some n------." (I can't even bring myself to type the word)

Oh, there was an arrest made, but the trial, nope, don't think it ever went to trial. He got off, claiming it was self-defense. No matter what anyone says, I think this man was looking over his shoulder for the rest of his life. So maybe there was a small amount of justice done.

The devastation it brought to the whole family will never be realized. I do know what it has meant for my little family, though. Wayne has carried this burden as a small child, hidden way deep inside. Then as a young adult, it surfaced and has stayed afloat pretty much his whole adult life. He has carried the guilt of his dad's horrific crime. About 15 years ago, we tried to find the families of these young men, but had no luck. Recently on Facebook, we befriended a guy we went to school with. We've had a few heart to hearts with him and he's even working on helping us reconnect with the families. I really pray this will give Wayne some closure on the tragedy that keeps playing in his heart and mind. Our son, Matthew wrote a song about it for Wayne.

The Ghosts of Ticheli

Fear and sorrow...cold to the core...feelings come back as I walk thru the door

Anger and worry...long sleepless nights.....It's what I remember here on Ticheli

If these walls could hear....they'd tremble with fear

If these walls had eyes....they'd fill up with tears

If these walls could speak to you....you wouldn't believe your ears

If these walls remembered...what happened here

Nine years old...when I heard the screams...5 shots rang out that I still hear in dreams

I looked thru the window..... and watched as they died..they were too young to go..

The ghosts of Ticheli

If these walls could hear...they'd tremble with fear

If these walls had eyes.. they'd fill up with tears

If these walls could speak to you...you'd fall to the ground

If these walls remembered... I'd burn them all down

It's been so long... since I moved away...It still haunts my dreams like it was yesterday

I still hear their cry...as I lie awake at night....I still see their faces

The ghosts of Ticheli

If these walls could hear...they'd tremble with fear

If these walls had eyes.. they'd fill up with tears

If these walls could speak to you...you'd fall to the ground

If these walls remembered... I'd burn them all down

Today I returned...for one last goodbye..I'll always remember

The ghosts of Ticheli

Well, It's Official!!

MD Anderson has concluded that Kathy's cancer is in fact Melanoma. Good news is--she'll probably get an appointment sooner than if it was Sarcoma. Bad news is--word is when melanoma comes back, it comes back with a vengeance.

BUT GOD!!! That's all that needs to be said..... BUT GOD!!

Kathy finally called her primary doctor this morning and got in to see him. With a walk to test her oxygen level and a chest xray, it was determined that it's not fluid making it hard to breathe. It's the nodules in lung. No oxygen leads to very weak body. He ordered her on oxygen, which will be delivered this evening. And told her to do whatever she felt like doing, and rest as needed. This was reassuring as family and friends (me included) worried she didn't need to be doing anything b/c everything tires her out. So with all us monkeys off her back, she can now do what she wants, when she wants, for as long as she wants, for as long as she can.

We met at Incredible Pizza tonight after the oxygen was delivered. ( Note to self: never go there at 8p.m. or after) We got there at 8p.m. and it closes at 9p.m. but they started putting the food away, so we didn't get the best deal tonight. I enjoyed the time with them and ran in to some friends to catch up with: Sam, Carolyn, Sherry, Cynthia, and Dee. Much accomplished today.

So back to the previous game of waiting..... sucking up all the oxygen she can, waiting for her appointment with MD Anderson.

Thank you Father God for holding her in your arms and giving her the security of knowing you are with her and you will never leave her. Bless my friend, Lord Jesus!

Labeling as I see it as always.

p.s. As of this morning 7/14/10 she has an appointment Tuesday, 7/20/10 at 12 p.m. YEA! SHE'S IN!!!!

MD Anderson, I have a few questions!!

Ok MD Anderson.... the ball's in your court now. You have insurance, medical reports, pet-scan results, biopsy results, tissue samples to do your own testing!! Show us your stuff!! How smart are you? No one else could figure what exact kind of cancer she has, can you?? Your reputation goes before you, can you live up to it with this case??? Is this cancer sarcoma and if so what kind? Is it melanoma from her cancer on her back in '97. OR is it thymoma? No one seems to think of that being the cause of her shortness of breath, which is the only symptom a man had when he had the same surgery I did, but did not have myasthenia gravis. And this is my friend's only symptom. The thymus gland sits on top of the heart. When it was first detected is was just on the thymus, but in 2 months time it had attached itself to the heart lining. I was lucky to have been diagnosed with myasthenia gravis, as my doctor wanted me to be checked for thymoma, which is common for the two to be linked.

Can you make my friend a priority? Can we just get this show on the road. I know what I've said before about this not being God's first rodeo, but I'm ready for the main event to begin. I've seen enough calf-roping, bull-riders, clowns getting knocked silly! I want to see some production and progress for the waiting game we've been playing...

Hopefully, the next post will be shouting thru the roof-top about an appt. soon!!

Labeling as I see it...

Family Bible Camp

My bestest friend and I got to go the Family Bible Camp for 1/2 the week. The only downside to this trip was that I left early on Wayne's birthday. It couldn't be helped, but it could be helped that I sent him off to work that morning forgetting to say Happy Birthday and to give him his BD card (which was in my truck on the trip). Came back in the house, drank my morning coffee, read the local paper, then it happened...moved over to the computer to check facebook before getting ready for the trip, and there it was... birthday wishes to Wayne from a couple of friends and Mark. Oh, no!!! So I called him on his cell phone to tell him Happy Birthday, but it's never the same. I felt so bad.

FBC was great. It's always so much fun to reunite with friends you haven't seen all year. And for me, it had been 5 years. So many of the families, including Kathy's (or Kathleen, as she is known there) go back generations. These friends' grandchildren go now. The teaching is so good and deep. I owe Kathy a heap of hugs for hooking me up with this camp. Even after missing 5 years, when I got there, it's as if time had stood still, for we never missed a beat. We just picked up where we left off. We share our joys and our woes with one another, with never a smidgen of feeling judged. I wish we lived closer, but now we have facebook to keep up with one another.

The first night Kathy and I talked til probably 2 a.m. It's a good thing the teaching is so good, because sitting thru 3 morning classes were rough. We really never get to talk at length anymore, so I suppose we were playing catch-up. It wasn't about surface things, it was about dispensational stuff. When her dad was still alive, we would gather in someone's room with her dad, her brothers and us and talk for hours with questions and answers. We thought it might happen this trip, but sometimes you just can't recreate a good moment. They happen because God purposed it.

The second night, we went to bed early (for campers) about 11p.m. We did have a short nap that day, just before we got together with some other women in the nurse's cabin for coffee time, getting to know newcomers and reminiscing with others. Is that spelled right?? We actually got to show off our fly-killing abilities, while others looked on in awe! Just kidding. Not about the fly killing. That was the downside of camp- lots and lots of flies. Oh, back to going to bed.. we both went to sleep fairly fast, but about 2 hrs. later, Kathy woke up short of breath. She sat up in the bed, I KID YOU NOT, for 4 hrs. trying to sleep sitting up. Every time she tried to lay down, she'd come right back up. Finally around 5a.m. she was able to lay down, but we were supposed to get up at 6:30. UGH! I postponed it to almost 7. Breakfast and 2 classes and camp was over. Time goes so fast when you're having fun!!

We were back on the road about 11:15 a.m. destination--Conroe. We were bringing Kayli (Kathy's grandaughter) and her friend home also. Being in my truck, I feared for our luggage with the probability of rain from Alex. Wayne has taught me well, I came armed with 4 contractor bags to put our belonging in. It worked out great, and thank goodness for that, because the closer we got to Conroe, the uglier it got. Oh, it drizzled on the way, but rained buckets closer to Conroe. We were able to get under Kathy's carport to get unloaded. I know she had to be so tired. She was able to call her doctor and talked a long time and he called in more meds for her. She needed a good night's sleep. While we were gone, we learned of our friend's brother passing away and the funeral was to be the next morning. I know she wasn't going to miss it. That morning, I learned she had a restful night, which was music to my ears.

Sorry to bore, but I wanted to remember these things, and old age is creeping up on me.

So, this is me labeling as I see it.

More Waiting

I'm kind of in a stupper, today.Not sure what I feel, what to write, but I write just the same. I've figured it out....it's therapeutic for me. When I write, my thoughts seem to fall in line. Otherwise, all my thoughts and feelings get jumbled up with the facts.

For instance:

Feelings.... I feel helpless. I feel sad. I feel worried. I feel angry. I feel confused. And many more, but you get my point.

Thoughts....I think why is no one jumping on this. I think who or what else can be done. I think we're talking about someone's health here, get over the red tape already. I think circle the wagons, it's prayer time without ceasing. I think, I think, I think!!!!!

Facts........I know for a fact God is in control. I know for a fact He is not taken by surprise. I know for a fact He loves her more than we can even imagine loving someone. I know for a fact He will see her thru this one way or another. He will never leave her or forsake her.

See what I mean?? All of this is swimming around in my head along with the guilt of worrying, because I know who holds tomorrow. To type it out gives me clarity. Then it's possible to rely on God. I don't know how people get thru the tough times in life without that blessed assurance.

Her Dr. called this morning. All of the drs. she has talked with, agree with her, that my friend needs to go to MD Anderson. This is an answer to a question of whether she should search out another hospital. The 2nd opinion is in and it's still inconclusive. Sarcoma? or melanoma? They are treated different ways. Dr. told her as far as the long term cure aspect, the time this is taking is not an issue. This is incurable. Surgery is not an option. If it's sarcoma--they suspect it traveled from the heart, which means the mass on heart is cancer. If it's melanoma--then it traveled from her back where she had it in '97. From a man's perspective, it's looking hopeless...in her bone, nodules scattered in lung, and in the lymph node. She needs God's wisdom in choosing treatment, but before that, doctors need wisdom in knowing what they are dealing with!!!!

BUT from GOD'S perspective, this ain't His first rodeo!! She is resting in His hands and I am to do the same thing. A note from her:

Psalm 31:14-15a, "But as for me, I trust in You; O Lord, I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in Your hand...."; and so are yours if you are a child of God by faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and His work done on the cross for all of us. He loves each of you so much and has provided the only way for each of us to have an abundant life here on earth, and then to spend eternity in Heaven with Him (and our loved ones who have gone on) ---- and doing much, much more than floating around on a cloud or playing a harp, I can promise you that.

Just me trying to label this as best I see it. A friend loveth at all times.

Waiting Game--Things are in Motion

My friend heard from her oncologist this morning. She said she couldn't get anyone at Baylor to take her!! Crazy talk!! And the best thing to do was for her to change out of Aetna to regular medicare. Remember MDA will see her with that. She told her she was being as honest as she could be....with the mass on the heart, the spot on her hip bone, the nodules in lungs growing in size and number, spots scattered elsewhere in her body, and the lymph node under the liver.....it does not look good! Her words... "I cannot help you, it's beyond me, the best place for you to be is MD Anderson."

So the wheels are finally rolling. She's switched to medicare and is in the process of getting everything they need to them. First appt. is still going to be at least July 20th!! A month away!! So the waiting game continues on.

Again I say, this ain't God's first rodeo. Although we are surprised at news, good or bad, God cannot be surprised!! Amen??

Lord, we don't love her more than you do, but we need her more than you do. I'm just sayin'....

This is me labeling as I see it.

Psalm 31:14-15a "But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord, I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in Your hand...."

More on the Waiting Game

My friend's insurance ok'd her going to MD Anderson. Sounds great, right? Until you find out MD Anderson doesn't accept Aetna. Is that not a SCREAM???? Yesterday was a very upsetting grueling day to say the least. She also found out..SHE was supposed to get the cd of her pet scan to them and SHE had to give the lab permission to send her tissue to them. WHEN, do tell, was someone going to tell her. Everyone she asked kept passing the buck to someone else. Very frustrating. After all this news, was the call back to her, telling her they didn't accept her insurance.

Back to square 1. Now her oncologist is trying to get her seen by a doctor at Baylor. Doesn't matter, let's just get this show on the road!!

As I've said before--This ain't God's first RODEO! It's all in God's timing. She is resting in God's hands and trust her life to him, whatever He wills.

It's me going bonkers!!

Lord, I know you are all in this mess, and we will be able to see your perfect timing later. Just give us your peace that passes ALL understanding and the calm assurance of your presence.

This is me labeling as I see it. Rare do you find a friend like this. More precious than gold.

Psalm 31:14-15a "But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord, I say, 'You are my God.' My times are in Your hand...."