Monday Visit

Today was not a good day, for me anyway!! Kristi had given her bath and she was sitting in her wheelchair talking to Inez Staton. Well, actually she was just sitting there, snoozing off and on. Sure looked uncomfortable to me. Barb Garnett came with me. We both tried to talk her into moving to the bed, but she wouldn't have it. This is the first day she has not been lucid. She has always been with us mentally, even if she couldn't breathe good. Last night Roy woke up to her sitting on the bedside potty. He asked her how she got there. She said "Barbara and Beverly helped me". That did not happen!! Was she dreaming?? Was it angels helping when they saw her possibly injuring herself? It's a mystery!! All during our stay, she was in and out of reality. From what we've been told and read, Melanoma is fierce once it comes back. It's like popcorn, popping up everywhere. One ex-ray may not show, but the next ex-ray will show it popping up in a new place. And it's not uncommon for it to go to the brain, which would explain the funny talk.

Her friend Sylvia from grade school came with her husband, brought her flowers. Her niece Lorrie and her girls came also. Joann came after I left, I missed her.

Today is Steven's birthday and Kristi is cooking chicken alfredo for the family as requested by the birthday boy. Oh, and Mississippi Mud cake. Yummy to my tummy!!! They better save me some!! Kristi called me last night to see if the meals could start the next night.

There was questions about the Lyrica meds Kathy was taken and was told the Lyrica could sedate more than the morphine. The morphine can be given every hour if needed, so they will try that instead of the Lyrica. It's really a mute cause, at this point.

She still wants visitors and wants us to wake her up when they come. She apologizes for falling asleep on us in mid-sentence. Her pat answer is "I'm alright" or "it's ok" or "I'm sorry". Today, with a smile, she told me I was being mean when I reminded her to breathe in!! I bumped her chair when moving behind her and she asked me if I was trying to dump her out. I told her, she'd know if I was trying that. So she's still got her sense of humor. She does not want to waste her time left sleeping, so wake her up, people!

Father God, give her good rest tonight, and if she should try getting up by herself, send Barbara and Beverly over to help her again. I'm taking a bell over tonight, if they don't find one.

First weekend home

I went to see Kathy Saturday afternoon. She was asleep in the chair the whole time I was there. I didn't wake her up, thinking she probably needed her sleep. I stayed about an hour and a half, left to do things for my household. After Wayne and I finished eating, I got a call from her asking why I hadn't come to see her. Roy and Kristi told her I came by,but she didn't believe them, b/c she never saw me. She lectured me on not waking her up. I said I thought she needed her rest and she said she probably did, but she'd get it "eventually". She does not want to waste her time left sleeping it away. So, be warned---if you visit, be sure to wake her up. Barby Murdock came out with chicken and rice and berry cobbler to be put in the oven. Flo and Rodney Lisembee followed her for a visit. Flo just returned from Brazil helping with her mother who is also ill.

I went again today after church and took them 2 frozen cassaroles from the church freezer, for back up. Mary Schubert announced in S.S. we were getting a list of people to do meals, since the lady of the church meal ministry never returned my call. It's covered with 8 signed up already. Kristi plans on doing a birthday meal for Steven and then Mary Schubert will take a meal over Tuesday, and another planned for Thursday by someone else.

Back to Kathy--she is starting to build up with fluid again so we called the nurse about 1p.m. and she arrived around 3:30 after being with another patient. She raised her diuretic from 20 mg. to 40 mg. plus her potassium. She had relief after about 2 hours, but not much. Turned out the oxygen machine was leaking so she wasn't getting the air she needed either. She increased the capacity of oxygen she could get if needed. I left around 6:30 and she was resting ok. Visitors I know about was Jim Jackson, Sherri Henry, her sister Tammi, Angel and Mark, Logan, Russell and his wife, Alecia and Jeff Russell, Margaret O'Brien and Conan Henry. Someone will surely correct me on the names of some, I hope.

Father God please give her good rest tonight.

Finally MD Anderson, but Not as Planned!!

Karla and her husband transported Kathy the MD Anderson ER with a trail of cars following her. Kristi was in Kathy's van with the girls (Tiffany and Kayli), Sherri and me in her truck, and Steven and Alex in his car. Oh and Paul Neal (Kathy's brother) came too. After waiting of course for some time, everyone went home assured she was being taken care of. I didn't have anything pressing at home so I stayed with Kathy. She was given a room about 5a.m. Monday and not long after took her to get a chest ct scan. She couldn't lay flat (we TOLD them she couldn't) but both people tried to get her to. So, after waiting for transportation back to her room, we arrived about 7:30. We were both really tired, but things had to be done to give her the best care. So enters someone about every 15 minutes. I'm not complaining, just stating facts. She had become accustomed to sleeping sitting up with her head hanging down, so I guess she was able to rest her eyes a little. She just didn't look very comfortable to me, but she said she was "ok". "It's OK" and/or "I'm sorry" has been adopted as her motto. Sherri, Paul and Frances, and Karla and Kayli came up in the afternoon. Barby also came up for a little while and gave me a ride home. Bill Downs showed up at Kathy's house about the same time we did to get my truck. He was going to mow Kathy and Roy's yard. He was instructed to mow the grass and weed-eed only; NOT to bother any of the stuff laying around the yard. That was hard for Bill, as he wanted to organize and clean up, but Roy knows what he has and where it is. Roy was going to be upset enough when he realized someone had mowed, so to bother things would have been over the top.

Karla stayed with Kathy the first night, and by the time I got there the next morning, they had drained the fluid off Kathy. That alone made all the difference in the world. If those pesky tumors had not invaded her body, you would have wondered why she was in a hospital bed. That lasted for 2 days, by Thursday the fluid had started to accumulate again. Tuesday, before going to MDA, I dropped by Conroe ICU to visit Roy, who was waiting on a room by now. Now they weren't sure if he had a blood clot at all. I talked to Babbie and she said the place is full and probably wouldn't get a room that day. Later, that day, I got a text from Babbie via Kathy Blakeman that he had been moved to room 444.

So back to Kathy---- she was able to lie flat for the chest ct scan on Tuesday. YEA!!!! She was so proud of herself. Good job Kathy!!! We were told the doctors would have a meeting with us, the next day--Wednesday at 1p.m. to give us her options. Kristi spent the night with Kathy Tuesday.

Wednesday came and I dropped by to see Roy on the way to MDA. He was improving each day and was supposed to be having a ct scan to see if blood clot was present and to see if peumonia had subsided any. The meeting was held with Dr. Kim (melanoma clinic) and just a little later the cardiologist-Dr. Daher met with us. There were no options given at this time as previously told, but they did do a good job explaining what was taking place in her heart. I understood it, but don't ask me to relay the info; I'd surely get it wrong. The scan revealed the mitra valve was leaking because of the mass pressing on it and this is where the fluid was coming from. I'm not sure why Conroe drs. could not see that in their scans????? Doesn't matter, the result is still the same. There's nothing that could be done. She was to have a pelvic ct scan later that day to see where all the cancer had spread and would have another meeting Thursday at 9a.m. to discuss options then for sure. Her brother Paul and Frances would leave for Colorado, Thursday morning. She had the scan done late and finally got to eat something. Inez Staton dropped by and spent the day. Good times!! Kristi spent Wednesday night with her. During the night they tried to put a picc line in her arm 2 times but both times the wire was going up her neck, instead of down to her heart. Not much sleep was gotten by either of them. This line served sort of like a port-a cath (Not sure of spelling) for chemo if decided on, pain meds or anything.

Thursday--the meeting at 9a.m. took place. The scan revealed the cancer was in her liver, kidney and lymph nodes around her pancreas. Chemo might would shrink tumors enough to give her a bit of relief but in her case the mass in the heart causes concern on her heart to be able to deal with chemo. 10-15% chance in normal circumstances but more like 5% in her case. The chemo would give her 4-6 months, maybe; and doing nothing would give her 2-3 months, maybe. She was pretty sure of her decision and the girls supported whatever she wanted to do. She wanted to talk to Roy to see if he was ok with her decision and he was. It is what it is. She did not want to suffer side effects from chemo coupled with the downslide of the disease. They took her away mid afternoon to try the picc line again but in radiology so they could see as they did it. They tested her lying flat and she could not do it, so back to the room she came after a long time. (waited on transportation) Her and I had a very late lunch and a late supper, because she couldn't have food or drink before the precedure. I spent the night with her Thursday night.

Friday morning--plan was to put a catheter in her side so we could drain it at home. Dr. told us that would not be possible b/c the mass was in the way and putting it in the back was not tolerated very well. With that settled she could go home today with hospice care. The heart people would come by and turn off the defibrillator of the pacemaker so that it would not continuously shock her. Jerry Giese came by for a visit and was inducted for duty, to see that the sofa was moved out of the house. Mission accomplished!! Thanks Jerry! Hospice rep came by to deal with paperwork and we were set to go except for getting in traffic, so the safe plan was to wait til 6:30, plus she needed to urinate after having the cath in. So except for oxygen, she was free of all wires and tubes for the 2nd half of the day. Barby came by with chic-fa lay. (sp, o my goodness) A late lunch again b/c of plan for the drainage cath, that did not take place. She got a special ride home in a red ambulance with equipment already in place waiting for her at home. The admissions nurse was behind it and I was behind her. The nurse turned out to be my daughter's best friend's mother. Made me more at ease with the process. Jerry Giese, Perry and Noelle had come earlier to move sofa out and Noelle vacuumed the den to make room for the bed. Bless them!! She was met at home finally with her beloved Roy, granddaughter Tiffany, daughter Kristi and sister-in-law Tilda. Daughter, Karla and granddaughter Kayli came shortly after with food for everyone. I left to be home with Wayne. Will write more later.

Kudos mucho to MD Anderson!!!!!! Everyone there is a delight to connect with!!!

Surprise Birthday Party for Kathy

Well, we pulled it off. She suspected something but nothing of this magnitude. She thought Karla had gotten some family members and some close friends together for a dinner at her home. That's exactly what happened. 150+ of her "closest friends" and family. Had we thought of everyone who should have been invited, there would have been 300+. Everyone has such love and admiration for Kathy. Some came from as far as St. Louis, MO.

The down side to this event was Kathy was really not up for it physically. As it turned out, she was filling up with fluid and could not breathe. She hadn't eaten in a few days. She discovered pain pills eased the discomfort but was dampening her appetite. She appreciated the party and all the wonderful thoughts behind being there for her, but really didn't think it was all necessary. Yep, that's our Kathy (or Kathleen as some call her). By the end of the weekend, Sunday night she was no better. With the urging of a friend from church to go to MD Anderson ER, we took her Sunday Night, BUT, not until she was able to hear results from Roy going to Conroe ER and going up to tell him bye. Roy had pneumonia and a possible blood clot in lung. What ELSE can happen???

This whole weekend Kathy had not been able to walk. She was just too weak. It happened so fast, no one was prepared for what we saw Saturday at her party. Well, I will admit, I saw her the day before on her birthday and thought she just needed a good night's rest after the night she had Thursday night. I will continue the story in another blog.

Ticheli Road..50 Years Ago Today

What was I doing 50 years ago. Most likely, at 8 years old, I was outside (wasn't allowed to play in peoples houses) playing with neighbor friends Susan and Marsha or maybe "Poodlem" across the street, living out a carefree life children have every right to live. My only concern in those days were well, never mind.... I didn't have concerns.

My husband, Wayne on the other hand, lived a different life. It was not unusual for him to go to bed hearing his parents argue and fight, waking up to them in the morning, or in the middle of the night. Just pull the covers up over the head and hide. Maybe the dull thumps on the wall would lessen and he would fall asleep.

If it hadn't been yet, innocence was for sure stripped away as one morning, he woke up to yelling outside. Looking out the window he saw these voices were of the hired hands of his dad. When a lull of work came about , they would play with Wayne, so he was curious as to what was going on. Much to his surprise and horror..... he watched as his dad was shooting at these guys and killing them one by one. There were 5 young men, one of them lived. The other 4 perished in the side yard, where on many lazy days, they played with him. Wayne's mother was coming out frantic with pillows and blankets, trying to make them comfortable. She, only being 26 years old herself, was not prepared to experience this horror, but then, nobody is, right?

His dad came in the kitchen and ordered his mom to make some coffee. He sat down by the kitchen phone on the wall and called Sheriff Bailey Grant, saying, " Bailey, you'd better get out here, I've done killed some n------." (I can't even bring myself to type the word)

Oh, there was an arrest made, but the trial, nope, don't think it ever went to trial. He got off, claiming it was self-defense. No matter what anyone says, I think this man was looking over his shoulder for the rest of his life. So maybe there was a small amount of justice done.

The devastation it brought to the whole family will never be realized. I do know what it has meant for my little family, though. Wayne has carried this burden as a small child, hidden way deep inside. Then as a young adult, it surfaced and has stayed afloat pretty much his whole adult life. He has carried the guilt of his dad's horrific crime. About 15 years ago, we tried to find the families of these young men, but had no luck. Recently on Facebook, we befriended a guy we went to school with. We've had a few heart to hearts with him and he's even working on helping us reconnect with the families. I really pray this will give Wayne some closure on the tragedy that keeps playing in his heart and mind. Our son, Matthew wrote a song about it for Wayne.

The Ghosts of Ticheli

Fear and sorrow...cold to the core...feelings come back as I walk thru the door

Anger and worry...long sleepless nights.....It's what I remember here on Ticheli

If these walls could hear....they'd tremble with fear

If these walls had eyes....they'd fill up with tears

If these walls could speak to you....you wouldn't believe your ears

If these walls remembered...what happened here

Nine years old...when I heard the screams...5 shots rang out that I still hear in dreams

I looked thru the window..... and watched as they died..they were too young to go..

The ghosts of Ticheli

If these walls could hear...they'd tremble with fear

If these walls had eyes.. they'd fill up with tears

If these walls could speak to you...you'd fall to the ground

If these walls remembered... I'd burn them all down

It's been so long... since I moved away...It still haunts my dreams like it was yesterday

I still hear their cry...as I lie awake at night....I still see their faces

The ghosts of Ticheli

If these walls could hear...they'd tremble with fear

If these walls had eyes.. they'd fill up with tears

If these walls could speak to you...you'd fall to the ground

If these walls remembered... I'd burn them all down

Today I returned...for one last goodbye..I'll always remember

The ghosts of Ticheli

Well, It's Official!!

MD Anderson has concluded that Kathy's cancer is in fact Melanoma. Good news is--she'll probably get an appointment sooner than if it was Sarcoma. Bad news is--word is when melanoma comes back, it comes back with a vengeance.

BUT GOD!!! That's all that needs to be said..... BUT GOD!!

Kathy finally called her primary doctor this morning and got in to see him. With a walk to test her oxygen level and a chest xray, it was determined that it's not fluid making it hard to breathe. It's the nodules in lung. No oxygen leads to very weak body. He ordered her on oxygen, which will be delivered this evening. And told her to do whatever she felt like doing, and rest as needed. This was reassuring as family and friends (me included) worried she didn't need to be doing anything b/c everything tires her out. So with all us monkeys off her back, she can now do what she wants, when she wants, for as long as she wants, for as long as she can.

We met at Incredible Pizza tonight after the oxygen was delivered. ( Note to self: never go there at 8p.m. or after) We got there at 8p.m. and it closes at 9p.m. but they started putting the food away, so we didn't get the best deal tonight. I enjoyed the time with them and ran in to some friends to catch up with: Sam, Carolyn, Sherry, Cynthia, and Dee. Much accomplished today.

So back to the previous game of waiting..... sucking up all the oxygen she can, waiting for her appointment with MD Anderson.

Thank you Father God for holding her in your arms and giving her the security of knowing you are with her and you will never leave her. Bless my friend, Lord Jesus!

Labeling as I see it as always.

p.s. As of this morning 7/14/10 she has an appointment Tuesday, 7/20/10 at 12 p.m. YEA! SHE'S IN!!!!

MD Anderson, I have a few questions!!

Ok MD Anderson.... the ball's in your court now. You have insurance, medical reports, pet-scan results, biopsy results, tissue samples to do your own testing!! Show us your stuff!! How smart are you? No one else could figure what exact kind of cancer she has, can you?? Your reputation goes before you, can you live up to it with this case??? Is this cancer sarcoma and if so what kind? Is it melanoma from her cancer on her back in '97. OR is it thymoma? No one seems to think of that being the cause of her shortness of breath, which is the only symptom a man had when he had the same surgery I did, but did not have myasthenia gravis. And this is my friend's only symptom. The thymus gland sits on top of the heart. When it was first detected is was just on the thymus, but in 2 months time it had attached itself to the heart lining. I was lucky to have been diagnosed with myasthenia gravis, as my doctor wanted me to be checked for thymoma, which is common for the two to be linked.

Can you make my friend a priority? Can we just get this show on the road. I know what I've said before about this not being God's first rodeo, but I'm ready for the main event to begin. I've seen enough calf-roping, bull-riders, clowns getting knocked silly! I want to see some production and progress for the waiting game we've been playing...

Hopefully, the next post will be shouting thru the roof-top about an appt. soon!!

Labeling as I see it...