The Applause of Heaven

I went home to visit my parents this weekend. When I leave to come back to my home, a cloud of sadness comes over me. It last for a couple of hours, as I'm driving. I'm thinking how I hate to leave, wishing I lived closer, wondering if this would be my last time to see them, and how sweet the visits are. Well, God must have gotten a hold of my thought life, because I started rejoicing for the time I DO have with them. It changed my whole outlook.

On the drive up and back, I listened to a new cd. The one special song I kept playing over and over is The Applause of Heaven. This is for Aunt Edna, Aunt Margie, Jean, Uncle Roy, Melanie, Gordon, Ken, Ed, Kathy and last but not least Bill. And these are just the latest of the saints who have left us for a while. The most important words go as follows:

when their race is over, this is what they'll hear

They will hear the applause of Heaven

Another crosses Jordan's chilly tide

They will see the host of Heaven

As they rise to celebrate the child

who faithfully walked every mile

to find the heavens stand up and applaud

as they run into the arms of God.

If this isn't enough to cheer one up. This is just what I needed. SOLITUDE! Driving to keep me captive in my truck for a 5 hour trip. The Lord really drilled the words to these songs in my heart, especially this one.

Thank you, Father, for my time with you this weekend. I'm sorry you had to hold me captive in my truck to straighten me out. Thank you for the teaching I heard this morning at my parents church. Thank you for the family you placed me in. Thank you for God fearing and God loving parents who directed me in the way I should go. Thank you for the patience and the unconditional love they gave me. Father, I ask a special blessing for the families of the ones listed above. Some have just recently lost their loved one. Give them peace and comfort to get thru the coming days and months. Give them wisdom for decisions being made in the absence of their loved one. Father you know what specifically touched me this morning in the teaching. Give me wisdom. Be my thoughts, be my words, just your love and grace be heard. In Jesus' name I pray.

This has been a great weekend in more ways than one. Labeling as I see it.

Good Times In The Midst of Grief

Can this be true? I say yes. I was able to spend a lot of quality time with Kathy. We were able to speak freely of our feelings about what we thought to be the coming months ahead. I was free to tell her what she had meant to me and the impact she's had on my life. She was always gracious in this way and was always honest in her thoughts. Most of this quality time was at Bible Camp and then when she was in MD Anderson. We talked about her going home and writing things in a notebook as she thought of things of importance. I guess God didn't deem it too important, because she never got the chance. She barely had enough time to plan her funeral service. I have also spent some quality time with Roy, Kristi, Karla, Tiffany and Kayli in the last month. Plus, I've gotten to know Tilda and Pearl (Roy's sisters). The laughter has comforted the tears we've shed. I have to remind myself I'm not family, but this is not a new thing. Kathy and Roy have always treated me like one of the family. And of course Kathy's brothers and their wives have followed their leading. I am especially grateful for this now as we grieve for the one we miss. Can't say we lost her, because we know where she is. We know we will see her again in a perfect setting.

Kristi went home to Tucson, this morning. She has been great company and help to Roy and to Kathy also when Kathy was still here. She'll be back next month and hopes to come once a month or so. Karla has also been a comfort and help to them and will continue to help her dad in anyway he needs help. Tilda and Pearl are also there for him in cooking up some meals and helping him clean out "a few things" (wink wink). Roy plans to stay in John's Sunday School class as Kristi went with him last week and Tilda plans on going tomorrow with him.

I got to enjoy and bring home to Wayne the famous breakfast tacos from Baytown that Kenneth and Fran brought out this morning. yum, yum!! Of course, as always, the fellowship was the best part.

I'm pretty sure Roy knows he is loved by many and will have help from any number of people at a moment's call. Speaking of call...Kristi helped him set the cell phone to activate by voice command. I'm sure now he knows (and if he doesn't I will bang him with a 2x4 until he gets it) that he is someone with or without Kathleen. If it had not been for him working hard all his life, Kathleen would not have been able to be the influence she has been in so many lives. She might would have been working fulltime..9-5. I feel the same about my husband. Kathleen and I both wanted to be stay-at-home moms and we were able to do that for the most important times in our children's lives. She was a worker bee in many ministries but only with the blessings of Roy. She would not have done the things she did had she not had the full support of Roy. It's the perfect picture of oneness. And speaking of Roy...he has done his own ministries behind the scenes..helping her with props, gifts, crafts and work around the church building itself.

Marty Blevins said it best.... It's hard to envision a world without Kathy Fuller in it. That's what I'm having the most trouble with. I will get past it because I know MY GOD SHALL SUPPLY ALL MY NEEDS. And besides, Kathy is with us in many ways by the example she led and we will carry on the work of our Lord with the memories of her encouraging words.

Father God, I feel so privileged to have been blessed with such a godly and loyal friend. You have made some pretty impressionable thumbprints from the conveyor belt of life on me, but the ones from Kathy are some of the most memorable and emotional. Thank you Lord God, you are so good to me.

Oh, and that thing I said a few times ago about being the last blog about Kathy.... yeah, that's probably not true, 'cause things just keep popping in my head and I have to label it when and as I see it.

Not Enough Words

This is the note I wrote for Kathy's Birthday Memory Book. She finished the book at home just a week before her entrance into Heaven. I'm so glad she did. They were some of the sweetest notes and tributes I've ever seen written to and about someone. That's no surprise to any of us, of course. She will be missed, but also envied!! She's in the presence of the ONE TRUE LIVING GOD.

There is no way I can fit all I want to say, in a note. I don't even know where to start. We met while attending a teaching seminar in Houston. I rode in your van while Mel Austin drove. Soon after, Sept. of '80, I began teaching 5th and 6th grade Pioneer Girls. It seems, we've been inseparable ever since. People always trying to figure out how we were related-- "you're mother- daughter?...sisters?...daughter-in-law,mother-in-law?...sisters-in-law?". We would always shake our head and say "no, just sisters-in-Christ". Remember this.."Hon, I don't where your momma is, but your Grandma is right in that cabin,there". Ha!..PRICELESS! To name a few other memories: our children's birthdays, cleaning houses together..I think you started cleaning with me in '84 to help me recoup from surgery, swimming in your backyard and eating your delicious grilled cheese sandwiches, Forest Glen Retreats with Pioneer Girls, made me and my family a part of your family for holidays when we weren't able to go home, Family Bible Camps with our kids and being counselors there, Family Bible Camp with NO kids and just being adults, good teaching from camp, Roundtop Ladies Retreats, "The SISTERS SONG SKIT" HA!, taking our turn with surgeries, children's weddings, birth of grandbabies, things that didn't break us--made us stronger. You have made me feel like I was a part of your family to the point I have to remind myself, I'm not. You've given me 3 brothers in doing so.(and their wives) I LOVE YOU AND YOUR WHOLE FAMILY AS IF THEY WERE MY OWN!!

HAPPY 70TH BIRTHDAY, MY DEAR PRECIOUS FRIEND!!!!

Happy Birthday, My Friend

This is a poem I wrote for Kathy's Birthday Memory Book. It's not perfect, but she was a perfect friend.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MY FRIEND

Happy Birthday my friend

Where do I begin?

People guessed I'm your daughter,

sister, or some kind of in-law

Nope, all I am is a friend in awe!

You amaze me, dear friend

with all that you do.

Your smile, spirit, fairness, compassion

just to name a few

We've been thru alot

some good and some not

Our friendship has grown like a

well watered garden

With tears as the water

and Laughter as the food

Our friendship has flourished

and is now in full bloom

With likes, but with differences

We've learned from our strengths

and accepted our weaknesses

Not a friend can one find

for the mold has been broken

There is none better than

this friend of mine

Critiquing the Program

Kathy and I would always critique the program that had just taken place. Be it the Pioneer Club Award Night, the Pal Party, the Father-Daughter night, we could always find mistakes we'd made. Some big, some not so big. The critiquing carries on without her, so here goes........

I have been sitting here thinking and the true words to part of the song came to me as clear as a bell ringing. Why couldn't this have happened BEFORE her service?? It was no where to be found on the Pioneer Club website, in fact, no history at all. Shame on them!

We are pioneers for Jesus, we're looking unto Him

We believe His Word and we trust the Lord

With a faith that will not dim

AND WE WILL TELL THE WORLD ABOUT OUR SAVIOR

HIS WONDROUS GRACE, PROCLAIM!

So let the praises ring, and loud the voices sing

And GLORIFY HIS NAME!!

This is a perfect close, don't ya think? The way I see it, anyway. So goes the labeling!

Finality

There is nothing final about today. Well, not totally true! I will never see her in pain again or discomfort as she would call it. The next time I see her, will be when she meets me at the gates of Heaven. I will talk with her again. I will walk with her again, and neither of us will be fatigued or in pain. I will always love and miss her and I look forward to seeing her again.

I believe her service was what she wanted. It was Christ honoring. There was fellowship of family, friends of past and present coming together who loved Kathy and was touched by her life in some way. People thanked me for being such a good friend. I had the easy part. Anyone who knew her would know that to be true. She always looked for the good in people. She could probably see something good in Ted Bundy if given a chance. And that's just it! She saw everyone through the eyes of Jesus. Jesus died for Ted Bundy too. He didn't pick and choose who he would die for. John 3:16 says "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son. That WHOSOEVER believeth in Him, should not perish but have everlasting life" Kathy saw devine appointments in her life and did not waste them.

The time I was blessed with Kathy's friendship can never be lost. It's in the vault!! I don't expect to ever replace or duplicate our friendship. I do hope I can learn from it, to BE the friend to someone that she was to me. I pray I will not quench the Holy Spirit when feeling led to be the ears to hear, the eyes to see, the hands to do, the feet to go and the mouth to speak. I pray I will not be too wrapped up in my own life, so as to be ready to move at any given moment.

Father God, be with Roy and the girls tonight and give them peace and comfort and a good night's rest. Help them to take one day at a time and not to expect much from themselves. Help them to embrace their tears as something you created for such a time as this. I ask this for myself as well. Help me to accept the loss I feel as her gain. I know all the right things, but help them to go 18 inches below from my head to heart. It'll take time, you know. This happened quickly. Forgive me when it looks as though I've gotten it, only to slip again. You know it before I do. Thank you for BLESSED ASSURANCE!! Thank you for songs. Sometimes it's the songs I pray, when I don't know the words to say. I love you Lord and I ask these things in your Son's name.

The finality is this is the last blog on Kathy. You're welcome to keep reading, but

it's just me labeling as I see it.

The Day After :(

It has started to sink in as of last night, after reading comments on Facebook. This morning, drinking my coffee, I found myself wanting to call Kathy. That's what we would do, when our hearts were breaking, but I can't call her. I can't talk to her. I can't see her. I told God we needed her here, so I'm trusting he will supply for our needs. It doesn't make it any easier. Put aside the fact where she is, what she's doing and having no more sickness, sadness. I'm talking about the LEFT BEHIND CREW!! Of course I'm happy for her. I prayed continuously for her not to suffer along with a gill ion others praying. Here's the deal......THE BIGGER YOU LOVE, THE BIGGER THE HOLE. And now I'm dealing with the hole, the void, the emptiness I feel. It's a fact, Jack!! There's no getting around it. I'm ok, I'm fine. This is what she kept saying. Who'd thought we'd only have a week with her and then she wasn't here mentally most of that time. Don't come running, this is a process we all have to go thru. I just express mine thru blogging. I can make it private it again, or you can stop reading if you want to. It won't hurt my feelings. I don't know who reads and who doesn't. No tracker on this blog.

I know, I'm depressing! Let me be light-hearted for a minute. When Kathy was in MD Anderson and they would come get her on a stretcher for testing. She was always sitting up, so I said "hey, get your beauty queen smile on and the pageant wave moving, as you parade down the halls." And she did. She lit up with her contagious smile of hers and got the wave going.

That's just the way she was, always smiling and looking on the bright side of things and looking for the good in everyone.

Father God, be with Roy and the girls tonight. Give them good rest to be ready for tomorrow and the next day. Claiming this verse for them Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

Sad but true, it's me labeling as I see it! I'll see it better as the days go by.